Tuesday, October 30, 2012

One Block Over [Day 30]

I finished an 8-week yoga class last night. I love yoga and have been practicing off and on for 15+ years. This particular class was an introduction to Iyengar yoga. I did Iyengar when I first started yoga, but haven't done it in many years, so it was nice to have a refresher.
My only hesitancy in taking this particular class was it's location. It's in a lovely little neighborhood that is mostly small businesses now. It is the neighborhood I lived in until I was 6 years old. The yoga studio is one block over from the house in which I was abused by the monster.

I have driven through this neighborhood and even by that very house off and on over the past few years. I get hit with all the usual symptoms of headache, nausea, pain, panic, terror. This time I decided it was time to face it head on and try to take back that place from my childhood.

Time and space hold memory. Just like portions of my body remember the abuse through ongoing  pain today. 

I was nervous before each class -- not because of the yoga, that I loved -- it was the location. Standing at the yoga center I could look over one block and see the house. I know it's just a house -- a business now. But then it was my home with many good memories, all tainted by the episodes with the monster.

Last night I drove by the house as I left class. I noted the name of the business. I want to walk through that space again. I want to see what remains of the room he used to torment me. I want to exorcise him as much as possible from my life.

Yoga was a good start.

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