ordinary -- with no special or distinctive features; normal
Ordinary is one of those adjectives I craved for years. I thought normal would mean everything was all right -- the way it was supposed to be. But really look at that definition -- with no special or distinctive features -- I mean come on, is there anyone who fits that kind of description?
What I was really craving all those years was to be seen fully. I wanted people to know the real, honest to goodness me, but I was so terrified of being rejected that I worked constantly on trying to figure out what those others wanted me to be. I strove to be something I wasn't. I tried to appear to be the perfect Christian girl, but I didn't feel any of it. It was all just an act to try and get by.
Ordinary is a lie. Real is the truth. And real is messy. Real isn't based on comparisons with everyone else. Real is opening up to God and saying "I'm a mess, and I need your help". Ordinary says everything is easy and constant. Life follows a predictable plan. And anyone who's lived even one single day knows the lie in that.
So I'm throwing out ordinary and normal, again.
I am me. I am unique. I am who God made me to be. I just need to learn to trust Him more to see the beauty of what He created.
linking up with Five Minute Friday