I have growing pains.
Not the bone and muscle type, but rather the brain and emotions kind. I'm working on a new aspect of learning to trust myself and step out in that trust, and sometimes it hurts.
The hubs and I are going scuba diving in Bonaire next month. Exciting, yes. But I've gained weight since the last time we dove, and the last trip didn't go as planned. I wound up with a damaged eardrum after the first dive and that was it for me for the whole trip. So I've got a bit of anxiety going into this next trip.
This morning I was shopping online for dive skins. I wear a shortie dive suit, but have had some trouble with rashes and such on previous dives, so I've decided to get some kind of rash guard to wear under my shortie. Now here's the thing. Most divers in ads and catalogs are super-fit, model-skinny, sweet young things. None of those adjectives fit me. I'm middle aged, overweight, mildly fit. I tend to look like a penguin in my dive gear (or sometimes a manatee, depending on my mood). Shopping for a bathing suit is not fun for most women. Now ratchet it up by a factor of 10 and you've got some idea of what shopping for dive wear is like.
I like to dive. My husband LOVES to dive. It's something I learned to do to spend time with him. So I don't want the process of looking for equipment to dull the excitement. I don't want to let the fact that I'm not thin keep me from doing something that's fun for us, together.
So I Googled plus sized dive skins this morning. And I found out that I am not alone. I found a whole thread of discussions on where to look and what to order. I found frank, honest discussions by people, like me, who don't fit the traditional mold for divers, talking about how to accommodate bigger bodies and short legs.
Don't misunderstand, I'd love to lose some of this extra weight. And I'm working on it, but I'm tired of letting it dampen my enjoyment of activities that I love.
If you're in the ocean next month and a penguin (or manatee) swims by with blue stripes, don't panic. It's just me embracing myself and working on those growing pains.
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