It's 2016. Not sure how that happened as I fell off the blogging wagon back in 2015, but I'm back today. I'm not sure what's happening in 2016, but I suppose that's true for everyone.
I could talk about organizing and resolutions. Or I could talk about moving from one day to the next as best as I can. The reality is, that right now, in this moment, I only have this moment. That's it. And this moment has enough for me to handle.
Things have been rocky in my world lately. I won't go into all the details for a variety of reasons. I'm unclear on my future and whether or not there may be some big changes. I foolishly thought that by the time I was 53 I'd everything fairly settled and organized. I was wrong.
But I'm learning it's not unusual for me to be wrong. And I'm not alone.
We all live with a certain false sense of security. I frequently believe that I'm the only one who doesn't have all her ducks in a row. The only one whose life isn't going just the way I dreamed it would. Why is it so difficult for us to admit how hard life can be? Why are we all (or maybe it's just some of us) so compelled to make comparisons?
I've worked hard to be able to live an authentic life. To be true to who I am. To accept the reality of my life and not play games or put up walls. But it's still really difficult to say, "No. I'm just sailing along on a stiff wind hoping and praying that I end up where God intends." Not because I don't trust Him, but because of the vagaries of life.
I'm not sure what this place will look like in the coming months because I'm not sure what my life is going to look like in the coming months. But this much I do know. This place is important to me. I found a lot of myself in this place. I spoke truth here many times before I could literally speak it to another person in real life. And so I will continue to use this place as a testing ground. To recognize the gift it has been for me. A sacred place where I bared my soul to myself and others and learned it was okay to be who I really am.
Blessings to all of us in 2016.