Thursday, January 14, 2016

This Time Last Year

Last year about this time I wrote a piece called Scarred. It's interesting to go back see where I was and what I was doing a year ago. I gain some perspective of time and healing. And that is a very good thing.

I stand by all that I said in that post. Emotional scars do smooth over. I can't say I've reached the point where my past doesn't show up every day, but the impact from it is so much lower. It happened. It is fact. It is history.

The present has a way of supplanting the past. That's generally a good thing as moving forward is what I strive for. But sometimes that forward movement requires me to look back and examine how the past is impacting and informing the present.

Right now I'm going through a difficult time. Things are not right in my world, but they are not right in a way I don't feel good writing about. That is problematic for me. I use this space for processing. But here is what I can share I'm 53 years old. My children are grown and practically on their own. My husband is mid-job change, and I don't know what my next phase looks like. 

Maybe I should have planned more for this. Maybe I should have been thinking about this time, but the truth is I'm a live-in-the-moment kind of person. I've never found 5 year plans to be very helpful mostly because life (at least mine) is messy. Plan all you want but be prepared for it to go to hell in a handbasket at the drop of a hat.

I don't think that's negative. I think it's reality. So I'm looking at options. A new career path? A return to the life of a librarian? Part-time? Full-time? A major change or a minor shift? Who knows? I certainly don't.

I recently told a friend I needed God to come down and smite me on the head for clarity. I'm not usually one to wonder and fret over what God wants me to do, but I've been fretting a lot lately and I need that to change.

So if anyone has a good job idea for an undecided former stay at home mom with a masters in libary science who really only wants to work about 20 hours a week and make really good money, could you shoot me an email or just reply to this post? 

Or maybe I should just buy a lottery ticket.

linking up with Writer's Workshop



4 comments:

  1. Don't buy the lottery ticket. I did but it didn't work. Stupid lotto. I totally relate to this post. And often, I've secretly wished that God would just tell me what he wants me to do so I can be happy. I'm at a crossroads in my life. In a few months I'll be turning 50 and am at the pointe where I am questioning everything I have ever done or not done in my life. Regretting, wishing, lamenting. How pathetic is that? Aww but I know that I have a purspose, just as you. Here's to 2016 being the year that you and I find ourselves and embrace the new chapter we have yet to write.

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  2. Scariest thing ever is to just go ahead and make the leap and trust that you will be caught and nurtured under his wings. You can think and debate and rethink until you have the deer in the headlights thing going on and you find yourself frozen.
    God bless you.

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  3. I sort of ignore the fact that this will become a very real dilemma for me someday as well. I love working from home, but I will say working at a library sounds really lovely! Maybe it's one of those jobs that sound better on paper.

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  4. Have you considered the school system? You would have all the same holidays as the kids (while they are still around) and you probably would be able to work close to home. As far as writing/not writing...I, too, use my blog to process a lot. It's much cheaper than therapy, and Mama Kat always leaves positive feedback! I ask God every single day of my life to tell me what he wants me to do. I get answers all the time. Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes it's not, but I always learn something! And, it's all in his timing, is it not? Don't fret! You'll know when you need to. Love this post!

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