Helping Others Learn to Help

Today I am going to be part of a presentation to help counselors in training understand a little more about PTSD from the survivors perspective. They provided me with a list of questions, so I'm sharing them, along with my answers, here. 

1. How did diagnosis go for you?

My husband and I went into counseling together because we didn't seem to be connecting well. He really wanted to talk to someone. I didn't. After a few initial sessions, the counselor asked to meet with me alone for a few sessions. We talked about an assault that occurred in college. I felt my husband and I had dealt with it, but it became obvious it was still causing disturbances for me. I had begun having intrusive thoughts about the episode, and nightmares that were difficult to describe. I became anxious and lightheaded on my way to counseling sessions. Eventually I recalled an episode from my childhood that I had never told anyone about, and that opened the door for a diagnosis of PTSD and an understanding that I had been abused as a child, and re-victimized as an adult. I found a certain amount of comfort in having a specific diagnosis, because it removed the personal stigma of "just being crazy", and replaced it with options for treatment and hope for recovery.

2. How was treatment for you?

I've seen 2 different counselors over the course of my diagnosis and treatment. Initially I began with a marriage and family therapist. He used cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help me begin to recognize the abuse for what it was, and encouraged me to journal. In the beginning about all I could do was write, and then bring the work to him. He would read through my journaling and then ask me questions to open discussion of the things I had written about. Later I moved to a specialist in PTSD and continued with CBT, but also added EMDR in an effort to address the emotional responses I was having in addressing the repressed memories.

3. Can you tell us a little about how EMDR works from a client perspective?

In my sessions, an episode is chosen. We determine a visual to represent the episode, and then identify what the negative belief is that I currently hold, then we establish the positive belief I would like to have. There are two scales that are used to determine where I am -- one determines how truthful I believe the positive belief to be, and the other identifies how disturbed I am by the memory we are working on. Bilateral stimulation is used, which in my case means that my therapist pats my hands while I allow the episode to play out in my head. The room is silent and my eyes are closed during this phase. After a certain amount of time (I think around 2 minutes?) she stops patting and slides her hands from mine, and I begin to recount what I saw play out in my head. She takes extensive notes, and when I finish, picks a new location in the memory as the beginning point, then we begin the process again. We may do this 2-4 times in 90 minute session. She checks in with me at least twice to see if my answers have changed on the two scales. Generally what happens is as the belief in the positive message increases the disturbance decreases. Once we have completed the EMDR itself, we spend the remaining portion of the session processing the information and doing relaxation exercises.

4. What were some turning points in your treatment?

I remember when I began seeing the first therapist, he asked me how I had felt before I began counseling and experiencing the panic, disturbing dreams, etc. I answered that I felt afraid. He replied, "Not all the time?" And I said yes, most of the time. I had never told anyone about these feelings, and never fully acknowledge them to myself until that moment. When I told him about the first memory of abuse (which I couldn't identify as abuse, but rather as something terrible I had done), I recounted the episode to him with my eyes closed. When I finished, I peeked a look at him, and asked if he believed me. He assured me did, and then I ask why he believed me. He answered with a question -- why wouldn't he believe me? Both of those sessions help me recognize that this was a safe environment to begin to really look at my past.
When I changed therapists, I remember at the initial meeting with the specialist, after I had told her, what I call, "the quick and dirty" version, she said she believed she could help me. That "believe" was wonderful to hear. She didn't say she thought or hoped she could help, but rather she believed she could help me. Early on in my work with her, she was helping me to understand that simply size difference between a child and an adult was scary in and of itself. She asked me to stand up and she stood and faced me. We discussed that we were essentially the same size and she verified that I did not feel afraid in the situation. Then she stepped up into her chair, now towering over me. I immediately fell onto the couch, cowering in a fetal position. That visceral reaction helped me to understand that these memories were true, and just how much terror I was holding inside.

5. What are some things outside of therapy that have helped in healing?

I tried to reclaim portions of my childhood. I got my self a stuffed animal, Yolie, which led to other stuffed animals. I started coloring as a safe creative outlet. I learned more about prayer beads, and began making them. Having something concrete to hold on to when the panic started was very helpful in keeping me grounded in the present. For our 25th anniversary my husband asked me to learn to scuba dive, and I did! Every positive step forward has helped me in my healing path.

{this moment}

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Tips for Recovery

1. Remember life will go on. 

2. Reduce your stress.

3. Listen to uplifting music.

4. Remember you are not alone.

5. Find humor where you can. Laugh.

6. Buy yourself a stuffed animal. This provides comfort and represents a positive aspect of childhood.

7. Carry a small book of quotes or scriptures with you. Anytime your need a pick me up, read over them.

8. Keep a journal. Write anything you want. No one else has to read this, but you may find it helpful to share when you are ready.

9. Don’t get caught up in being perfect. Stay caught up in finding you.

10. Breathe. Take up yoga or some form of meditation.

11. Be kind to yourself. Watch how you talk to yourself and about your self.

12. Cry or scream into a towel or pillow.

13. Stay connected to friends. You may have to limit the number, but find at least one trusted friend to talk to whenever you need to hear a friendly voice.

14. Get help with the day-to-day chores.

15. Pray. If you can’t pray in your regular way, don’t panic. Try writing a letter to God. Try reading other people’s prayers. Create a God Can.

After

After I told my therapist about what I'd remembered, he promised me it would be okay.

After I told him, I felt almost euphoric.

There was an answer, an explanation.

After I told my husband, he cheered because we could fix this.

After I told him, he cried with me for what was lost.

I felt relief, and deep sadness simultaneously.

After I told my parents, they sat and stared at me.

After I told them, they didn't come to me.

My dad even made a joke.

After I told the specialist, she said, "I believe I can help you."

After I told her, I felt that I had taken charge of my healing.

I vowed to stay with it until the bitter end.

After years of dealing with flashbacks, panic attacks, support, and rejection, I'm seeing my true self.

After years of hiding and trying to make everyone else happy, I'm seeing that I can only make me happy.

So I'm stepping out again, while wondering what this "after" will bring.

linking up with 5 Minute Friday

CSA, PTSD, EMDR, SAMM and Other Acronyms that Mean Nothing to the General Populace

I throw around a lot of acronyms on here. It's the nature of my history, diagnosis, and life. Sometimes when I'm talking with other people, I forget that they don't know what all those letter mean. So today I'm giving you a crash course in CSA and it's lingo. 

That's the first one. CSA is child sexual abuse. Essentially it is a subset of child abuse in which the abuser uses a child for sexual gratification.

PTSD is more commonly recognized. Post traumatic stress disorder is generally seen in veterans, but is also common in survivors of abuse, survivors of accidents and natural disasters. It is an anxiety disorder that develops following some form of life-threatening or perceived life-altering trauma.

There are many forms of treatment for PTSD, but one of the most successful is EMDR. Eye movement desensitization reprogramming therapy "combines dual attention to a traumatic memory with back-and-forth eye movements, or alternating sound or vibrations. The sensory stimulation triggers the brain's 'investigatory response' that leads to neurophysiological changes that diminish or resolve the effects of trauma." (citation)

SAMM is the acronym for Sexual Assault Awareness Month which is April.

I hope this information gives you a starting place if you are a survivor, friend or loved one of a survivor, or just interested in knowing more about helping survivors.

Peace and blessings.

What We Wish You Knew

Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: What We Would Like You to Know About Us

1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.

2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.

3. Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.

4. Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse "on the back burner" does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through these emotions and process them.

5. Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are dealing with this early trauma. This is because: we are working on separating the past from the present. Pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously. It is important for us to be in control, since control is what we lacked as children. Sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sex will only increase our tension.

6. We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to our emotions.

7. We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart inside.

8. There is nothing wrong with us as survivors -- something wrong was DONE to us.

9. Sometimes others get impatient with us for not "getting past it" sooner. Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience and support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won't happen overnight.

10. Your support is extremely important to us. Remember; we have been trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about how you would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatened verbally and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live with that fear.

11. Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain to our own.

12. There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that they are charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody -- from any social class or ethnic background, with any level of education-- may be an offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next generation of children.

13. We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.

14. We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by: listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.

15. Our therapy does not break up relationships - it sometimes causes them to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that were already present.

16. Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.

From Triumph over Darkness by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A. copyright Wendy Ann Wood 1993

Puppy Love

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