The Simple Woman's Daybook ~ March 2018

FOR TODAY . . . March 12, 2018

Outside my window . . . I woke to snow and scattered cherry blossoms. That's how we roll in Tennessee.

I am thinking . . . about waiting. I am in a season of waiting right now. I've been fighting it for awhile, but recently I've shifted my focus and am trying to embrace it instead. 

waiting -- part of the process of leaving the petty life, the false life, the old life

I am thankful . . . that I have joined a new community this year. The Rule of Life is a group of committed individuals seeking to develop a more intentional practice of the spiritual disciplines. It is a blessing to have these like-minded people with whom to travel this year. #dovehouseministries

In the kitchen . . . last night we had barbecued pork chops, Japanese veggie blend, and  Celebration Blend potatoes. I love these little bags of specialty potatoes because I've never met a potato I didn't like.

I am creating . . . a corner to corner baby blanket in a lovely yarn of blended shades of pale pink, yellow, and white. 

I am going . . . to be at home all day! I'm hoping to get some ironing done and work on items to sell in the shop, Sweet House of Madness at Mercantile 615 (if you're in the Nashville area!) 

I am wondering . . . how best to organize all of the merchandise I'm amassing for the new shop. My basement is in disarray right now, and that tends to stress me out.

I am reading . . . well actually re-reading The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown and reading When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd for the first time.

I am looking forward to . . . the coming spring and getting outside more and more. Walks with Millie -- more of a paseo (a slow, idle, leisurely walk or stroll).

I am hearing . . . the heat just clicked on and occasionally the wind chime outside my window.

Around the house . . . there are stacks. I've been organizing which leads to chaos before there order appears. 

I am praying . . . to know God's will and to have greater trust in His plan and timing.

One of my favorite things . . . talking with my children. We all went out to dinner last week for birthday and it was lovely sitting around talking, eating, and listening to their chatter.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . a couple of meetings tomorrow, working on prepping items for the shop, and puttering around the house. I love to putter when the mood is right.

Here's a picture for thought I am sharing . . .

this is Millie! She came to live with me in May.

She's part chihuahua and part feist.

linking up with The Simple Woman

What's Important

It's tough here in my world right now. Things are not flowing the way I want them to. I don't think they're flowing the way God intends either, but I am waiting for Him. I know He is present. I know He is in control.

I keep asking Him what He wants me to do. All I hear is "Wait". But waiting can be difficult and lonely. I am waiting in faith. Faith that He has this covered. That He won't abandon me. I have evidence to support His faithfulness. So I'm clinging to that.

I'm praying for myself, but I'm praying really hard for someone else. Someone who is struggling. He's depressed and dissatisfied and scared. Maybe he's feeling hopeless, I'm not sure. I want to fix it, but I can't. I've got some ideas on things that might help, but he's not receptive right now. 

So I'm waiting. It's not something I'm particularly good at, and it's not something our society encourages. We are the "get it now" society. "Just do it". "Have it your way." In America, especially, we are the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of people. 

None of those are going to cut it in this situation.

So I keep praying, reading, confessing, and asking, with no end in sight. I know what I want, hope, believe to be the outcome -- I just don't know how it's going to happen. 

Expectant Waiting

Mother's know all about it. Nine months of waiting and wondering and falling in love. Then all those years of teaching and loving and praying. 

Advent is the season of expectant waiting. It is the celebration, in many ways, of Mary's willingness to serve without fully understanding what she was being asked to do.

I live in a world that wants instant gratification. Total explanations. Total preparations. What exactly is going to happen. And it better not alter from what I've been told. 

That kind of expectation slinks in innocuously. It's insidious. It creeps in and takes over my life. It starts out harmlessly enough. "Your pizza will be ready in 15 minutes or it's free!" I'll get what I want when I want it or it will be free.

And over time I've come to expect that in everything. This depression. These flashbacks. These negative thought patterns. I've identified them and done the prayers and the therapy. I did my part, so what's taking so long? And where's my free pizza?

Expectant waiting. 

For whatever reason, I expected there to be a cathartic moment when it would all just lift and fly away. Don't get me wrong. There have been some cathartic moments. Some of it has lifted and flown away, but there are still seasons of depression, some panic, an occasional flashback, and all with a heaping dose of guilt for not being over this struggle.

And I read Emily Wierenga's post this morning, and I can't get that image of Nelson Mandela out of my head, waiting in prison for 27 years, so long he forgot how to tie his shoes.

So I wait. Not for my free pizza, but for the gift that is Advent while realizing we are all waiting, and it is in the waiting that we learn and grow the most.

linking up with Imperfect Prose