I go to the kitchen and make tea. Feed dogs and sit down at my computer. I check emails, Facebook, and the stats for this blog. It's all part of my morning routine.
This morning's prompt is "release". A million thoughts swirl through my mind, including the annoying theme from Frozen, "Let It Go". I hate that song, and am reminded once again of how happy I am to not have small children in the house clambering for the latest from Disney.
Somewhere in that rambling, internal dialogue I have an epiphany of sorts. This wasn't my usual routine just a few years ago. Back then it went more like this -- startle awake, frantically look around the bedroom, try to remember if anyone was angry with me, try to calm the rising panic, and then berate myself for "still" struggling with the effects of childhood sexual abuse.
The epiphany was the realization that I rarely wake up assuming I'm in trouble anymore. I wake up with a clear conscious most mornings. And on the days when I don't, I can get there relatively quickly. For years I've been working on letting it go. On releasing.
It doesn't happen over night, this release. But it is happening. I open my hand and release another part of the pain.
linking up with Five Minute Friday
Melanie, thank you so much for this post. I have never been through anything like this, but I can see the work that God is doing in you and the healing He is bringing to your life. Thank you for being so vulnerable in your writing!
ReplyDeleteAlthough now that annoying Disney song is stuck in my head..... :/
Thank you, Sarah. It has truly been a journey, and will continue to be I assume. My readers have been so instrumental in my healing. Oh, sorry about the song though! LOL!
DeleteI understand the struggle to overcome what you are working to overcome. It is very good to hear that you are waking now without those horrid fears and feelings slamming into your brain, unwanted and unbidden, but are not replaced with such Peace. Onward and Upward, my sister in Christ.
ReplyDelete