Worst Christmas Gift Ever?

My father-in-law was an interesting man. Highly intelligent, but a bit quirky.

Early in my marriage to his son, I learned this lesson. Normally my mother-in-law did the shopping, but one year, for reasons unknown to me, he took it upon himself to go out and buy additional gifts for everyone. Of course he decided to do this late on Christmas Eve once all the "real" stores had closed. There was a discount store near their house called Zayre. They sold cheap stuff, not Wal-Mart cheap, think cheaper. 

So he did his Christmas shopping and came home and wrapped all his goodies. Using is regular technique this meant no bows and our names written in black Sharpie on all the packages. 

On Christmas morning, we arrived at the house and amid much flinging of paper, I was handed a large, squishy package clearly from my father-in-law, although marked as "From Santa". When I opened it, there sat before me a 12-pack of Zayre brand toilet paper. I kid you not. 

My husband and I had been married 1 or 2 years at this point, and I was still unsure of my place in his family. And to be perfectly honest, his father scared me a bit. Not in the "he's going to haul off and hit me" way, but in the "he's so smart, clearly I'm missing something here" way. 

I stood with my package of toilet tissue, trying to determine if there was a hidden message here, finally stuttering out a thank you. His response was, "I figure you can never have too much tp".

As I watched others open their gifts from him, I felt a bit better. My brother-in-law had received windshield wipers that didn't fit his car. 

I never knew what happened that year and I don't remember another gift from that Christmas. What I do know is that by the next year, my mother-in-law was dead, killed in a car accident. And all the women in the family and extended friends, got diamond and sapphire tennis bracelets. 

Yep, that was my father-in-law in a nutshell.

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