Turn

To everything - turn, turn, turn

There is a season - turn, turn, turn

And a time to every purpose under heaven

-- The Byrds

I look at where I am today, and I am reminded of the constant ebb and flow of life. I see changes everywhere.

Growth is painful, but necessary. If I'd known then what I know now 

. . . a useless endeavor.

So I'm turning in the direction of my dreams. Dreams too long put on hold. Scared and excited at the same time to be stepping out to take my turn.

As we act in the direction of our dreams, 

we are given strength and courage.

-- Julia Cameron

linking up with Five Minute Friday

The Chifferobe

Describe the most vivid dream you can remember.

I am standing in my bedroom in the house I grew up in. My great-grandmother's chifferobe is on the wall in front of me. It is covered in heavy layers of dust and dirt and mud and excrement. It is disgusting to look at and even worse to touch.

I am compelled to go to it. To try and clean it off. I begin to brush away the detritus and see that there are mouse droppings, cobwebs, and dead bugs mixed in with the dirt and grime. But I must open the chifferobe. 

I open the door and see more dust and cobwebs. Old rotting clothing hangs from wire hangers, but I sense something. I push the rotting clothes away and see sunlight. I smell fresh, clean air. There is beauty and freedom beyond the disgust, but I will have to work through all the dirt and excrement to get to it. 

I am afraid, but I crave the beauty I sense beyond the horror.

And so I begin to clean.

linking up with Writer's Workshop, Imperfect Prose, and Just Write

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . August 27, 2013

Outside my window . . . my cherry tree is dropping leaves at an alarming rate. The first sign of autumn's return.

I am thinking . . . about all the things I need to get done today and how groggy I'm still feeling!

I am thankful . . . for safe travels to Knoxville on Sunday and home again yesterday.

In the kitchen . . . last night was take out as I got back into town just in time to drop dh off at his grad class.

I am wearing . . . my giant pink sleep shirt.

I am creating . . . a baby blanket for a friend who's baby is due in September. It's my first corner to corner blanket so I hope it turns out well.

I am going . . . to do laundry, pay bills, make a Target run, do yoga, Bible study, and sort through the remaining boxes of FIL stuff on the ping pong table today. Pray that I can accomplish all of that, and don't just sit down and do nothing for half the day!

I am wondering . . . about the dream I had last night. I was on a ferry going somewhere, but we were all just lying on the floor (no seating) and I was coming unglued. I was surrounded by people I didn't know, and the items I use for self-comfort. Anyone care to interpret for me? Oh, and when we got where we were going the ferry owner reprimanded me for not disembarking correctly!

I am reading . . . I have fallen prey to the 2nd book in The Hunger Games Trilogy. I swore after reading the first one and watching the movie I would read no more, but dh and I re-watched The Hunger Games last week and it made me curious. So I checked out Catching Fire for my Kindle and started reading it. I'm really a bit embarrassed to even admit it. The counterpoint is I'm still reading Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body, which hopefully balances it out a bit.

I am looking forward to . . . a week without travel involved!

I am hearing . . . total peace and quiet!

Around the house . . . all the Monday chores must be done today in addition to the Tuesday chores. I hate it when that happens.

I am praying . . . . for Patti at Someone Wake Me Up, as well as 2 friends who are expecting babies very soon.

One of my favorite things . . . is my cup of morning tea. Yesterday in the hotel they had a Keurig in the room, so I tried making tea with it. Let me just say that what the Keurig produced in no way resembled an acceptable cup of tea. Hot water with sugar and a hint of Earl Grey is just disgusting!

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . two days worth of chores today, a meeting in the morning, followed by a trip to the allergist. Thursday is Bible study and my last private lesson with my yoga instructor. Friday is sewing day with Linda, and date night with Alan. And on Saturday, Alan is photographing a friend's wedding so I'll be playing the role of photographer's assistant! Then worship on Sunday and it all starts all over again.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

the lovely flowers dh gave me 

for our 28th anniversary last week :)

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

Bad Dream/Good Dream

This morning I had a dream. It was not a good dream. It made me realize some fears linger long after the reality is gone.

I dreamed I went to my usual counseling appointment. When I got there a different person called me into the office. It was a man I'd never met before. I asked where my  regular counselor was, and he gave a really lame excuse. Add to that my mother and sister were waiting in the room for me. 

I asked the counselor if he'd read my file, or if I needed to give him a little background. The whole time I'm thinking this is pointless, and why are they here. He "assured" me that he was familiar with my "case". 

The other people in the room began talking and he was nodding his head in agreement with them. Other people began to filter into the room putting in their two cents worth. No one was talking to me or had in interest in listening to me.

And then it happened. The counselor announced that I had made everything up. It was all in my head -- all the abuse, all the struggles to deal with the abuse. He validated the people in the room who had hurt me the most, and just kept telling me I was wrong.

But here is the good part. I stood up and yelled at them all. I began to recount episodes in detail, asking how I could have made that up. I reminded them of validation they had provided about details. I asked them why I would have done this to myself for all this time? What is my motivation? Why do I have physical pain in areas that were harmed by the abuse? 

And then I turned on my heel and walked out. I didn't consider for one moment that this new counselor was right. I knew he was wrong. I was angry and sad that he was giving the nay-sayers what they wanted to hear, but I knew he was wrong.

And that was the gift from the bad dream. In the past I would have waked up worrying that this new person was right -- that he had some knowledge that no one else has had. 

Redemption is about recovering something. I recovered a little bit of my self-worth in that dream. A little more faith in myself.

Maybe it was a good dream after all.

linking up with imperfect prose on thursdays