Friday, March 27, 2015

Break

Do I "break" -- fall apart, fragment, shatter -- or do I "break" -- pause, take a rest, a respite?

Another flashback. Another reminder of pain from the past. Knee jerk reactions to deny, run and hide, beat myself up. Is this the one that takes me down? The one that smashes me permanently? The heel of his palm to my nose. Searing pain that leaves me staggering, ripe for the attack that follows.

My husband points out that it means I fought back. And he never showed up at my door again. It was the last attack. Something good from this latest reminder of pain? 

So I write about it. I cry on the massage table. I talk to my husband. My therapist. I seek help. I feel all those feelings again -- fear, guilt, paranoia, self-loathing, denial.

I pause and take a respite. A retreat with my husband for the weekend. We may talk about it or we may put it aside for the time being. More than likely it will be a bit of both. 

But I choose the second definition. Because this time I get to choose.

linking up with Five Minute Friday and Writer's Workshop




8 comments:

  1. When I saw the word, I immediately thought of the positive aspects of taking a break. I admire you for making the choice to focus on the second definition instead of the first.

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  2. Yes ma'am, this time YOU get to choose. Choose Life and peace in Jesus! Love you. xo #FMFPARTY

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  3. Amen! I'm so glad that you chose the second definition and that you have a God who sustains you, a husband that understands you and healthy people to process things with! It takes a community to heal our hurts, sometimes!

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  4. YES you get to choose! Choose life, forgiveness, freedom, choose Him always Choose HIM! praying for you, enjoy your weekend with your husband!

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  5. So much Amen for having the power to choose! So thankful that you take us with you on your journey of healing!

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  6. Indeed you do get to choose! Prayers are with you on your journey of healing. Visiting from the 5 for 5! Glad I got to stop by!

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  7. There is so much power in our choices!

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  8. Taking a break can be a positive time to reflect, refocus, and let your mind and body heal. We all need to do more of that.

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