Creativity and Healing [day 6]

Yesterday I wrote about relationships and healing. I want to clarify one thing before going on to today's post. I was not hurt or disappointed by what happened in my small group. It is the nature of life that sometimes moments get interrupted. I did not feel snubbed or judged. I never intended for the post to be negative, but rather to show how difficult it still is to share my history. 

*****

I never considered myself a creative person, and yet I have found so much healing by allowing myself to create. 

It started with coloring. I needed something to do that occupied my mind, was restful, but required little thought. I loved the idea of sketching, but I can barely draw a recognizable stick figure. I kept reading about art therapy and how so many survivors were helped my drawing their feelings. I did a few exercises, but was never happy with the results (I'm a bit of a perfectionist). 

I don't know who first suggested coloring, but I think it was my husband. I played around with it a bit, testing to see what kind of coloring books relaxed me. I tried crayons and markers, but I found that colored pencils were the most soothing. I got a fairy coloring book (I have an affinity for fairies) and began to take it with me anywhere I had to wait. At the time I was getting allergy shots, and the process had become extremely triggering for me. Walking into the office knowing I was going to let them hurt me, even though it was for my own good, was a tough pill to swallow. 

One day after getting my shots, I was waiting the required 30 minutes and using the time to color. Another lady in the waiting room complimented my picture. She asked if I was a school teacher. I realized I was going to have to tell her something. Another thing you need to know about me, I'm pathologically honest. Especially early on in my recovery I didn't know how to do evasive without it feeling as if I were lying. So I told her it was part of my therapy. I did it to relax in stressful situations. As I sat there waiting for her to mock me, I was surprised to hear her say what a good idea that was. She'd never thought of that before. She had loved coloring as a child and wasn't sure why she'd given it up. Maybe she'd get a coloring book for herself.

I was stunned! That certainly hadn't gone the way I expected.

Now I'm amused by all of the "adult" coloring books that are available. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fabulous. It's just funny to me that nearly 15 years after coloring helped to save my life, everyone's on the bandwagon. Maybe I'm a trendsetter!

This is day 6 in Write 31 Days

Beading and Healing [day 3]

Yesterday I taught a friend how to make Anglican prayer beads.

I started making prayer beads over 10 years ago. 

Prayer beads and rosaries have fascinated me since I was a child. I grew up as a conservative Protestant in the 60s and 70s. At that time anything with any semblance of "high church" was frowned upon in my tradition. Nothing liturgical, and certainly nothing that could be construed as idols. But my nextdoor neighbors were Catholic and all the people on TV seemed to be "high church". I liked all the pageantry and paraphernalia that seemed to go with it.

When I began having flashbacks and panic attacks, I needed something to keep me grounded in the present. A therapist suggested holding a rock or a comb. My husband suggested a stuffed animal, but I knew immediately I needed prayer beads.

I began to investigate on the internet. A friend at work shared a book with me, Bead One, Pray Too by Kimberly Wilson and I was off. I liked the idea of making the beads myself. Picking the exact beads for size, weight, and texture made the process soothing and having the process behind me made using the beads all the more comforting.

Since then I've taught classes on making and using prayer beads. I've given them as gifts. I've even sold them. 

I still find something calming about the process of getting out my beads and feeling them, picking beads that compliment one another and stringing them all the time knowing they will help someone else. 

That process is much like praying itself.

Additional resources on prayer beads --

A String and a Prayer by Eleanor Wiley and Maggie Oman Shannon

Praying with Beads by Nan Lewis Doerr and Virginia Stem Owens

http://www.kingofpeace.org/prayerbeads.htm

This is day 3 in Write 31 Days

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . March 11, 2014

Outside my window . . . we have beautiful blue skies. Already up to 52* and heading up to 77*! We may have some rain later tonight, but for today it's a top down day :)

I am thinking . . . about changing things up a bit. Dh is in grad school and we have been discussing the possibility of me getting a part time job. Trying to figure out what that would look like.

I am thankful . . . for a good day with my bestie yesterday. We ran some errands, talked A LOT, and even got a walk in. It was a good day.

In the kitchen . . . last night we had Orange-Balsamic Glazed Chicken, Cranberry Nut Rice Pilaf, and steamed asparagus. Tonight's going to be clean out the refrigerator/leftover night.

I am wearing . . . my new gown that dh gave me for my birthday. You know how I feel about cotton gowns by now.

I am creating . . . still can't seem to get those creative juices flowing. I think I have too much on my mind and too many people in my house to focus properly.

I am going . . . swim at the indoor pool this afternoon. I haven't been swimming since last summer. It used to be one of my favorite activities, so I'm trying to get back into it before summer arrives.

I am wondering . . . about signing up for a year-long spiritual exercises retreat. It is a time and money investment. I am very interested, but don't want to get in over my head and not be able to invest in the opportunity fully.

I am reading . . . Bury Your Dead by Louise Penny. It's the one I was waiting for last week. These Granite Islands is on hold while I finish this plot line that was started in the previous novel in the Chief Inspector Gamache series

I am looking forward to . . . a Lenten Quiet Day on Saturday. An entire day of prayer, meditation, and rest. Lovely.

I am hearing . . . the quiet of the morning house. 

Around the house . . . things need a good dusting and a bit of straightening. I'm needing to shop for a new sofa for the den, but my heart's just not in it.

I am praying . . . for peace in Ukraine. 

One of my favorite things . . . is sunshine. We have had a very dark and dreary winter, so 3 days of sunshine in a row are a real blessing.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . most of the usual activities and my quiet day on Saturday.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

a few goodies from my trip to Old Time Pottery

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

With Thanks to Ann Voskamp

7 Keys to Creativity

1. Quit trying to fit. Why try to squeeze all your extraordinary into ordinary?

2. God made woman to be a maker, to open her empty places and let life be knit from within her.

3. Creativity, it’s good theology; it’s what God did in the beginning.

4. When we stop fearing failure, we start being artists.

5. Don’t let the sun set till you’ve done one thing that sort of scares you.The only trees that ever grow tall keep relentlessly stretching into unknown territory.

6. Art, it’s the second person present indicative of the verb to be. Art is a way of being and when you make your life art — thou art.

7. You have to bury your fear in faith. Otherwise you bury your talents.

for her full post see Why Everybody Needs Make Art Everyday

:: right now

Right now, I am . . .

::remembering watching my husband in the ocean, diving and happy

::savoring time spent with my daughter in Cozumel . . . eating wonderful island food

::relishing this picture of sparkling lemonade by the sea

::awestruck by the artistic talent I saw while sitting by the sea . . . a group of 3 ladies painting beautiful art

::loving this little collection I created just before going on vacation . . . antique, handmade tablecloth, antique pitcher, and my life is beautiful bowl

::feeling very happy that I found these little birdies in a drawer when I was sorting linens

::looking forward to these creative options

::soaking in all the green that I discovered when we got home

::very pleased with this little arrangement -- bird measuring spoons and a little vintage crochet piece

inspired by SouleMama

Thankful Thursday -- September 23, 2010

It's Thankful Thursday again. This verse came in my email this week, and I saw something I'd never noticed before. 

Philippians 2:3-4
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

It's the second part that caught my eye this time -- "look not only to your own interests" (italics mine). This is the first time I noticed that it's okay to look to my own interests. It's not either/or, it's in addition to. That's very comforting to me. Permission to include my interests in my plans -- not exclusively, but rather inclusively. 

Off my soap box now! LOL! Anyway here's my list:

1. I am thankful for good friends and lasting friendships that can be picked up again even after long absences.

2. I am thankful for creativity and patience. I am truly just beginning to realize that the process is at least as important as the outcome.

3. I am thankful for God's enduring patience with me. I ask again and again. I worry again and again. He is always kind, sympathetic, and compassionate. And He answers again and again and again.

4. I am thankful for perseverance. It's hard for me to give myself credit for much, but lately I'm realizing that I have persevered in my recovery. There have been many times it would have been easier to just walk away -- to accept the status quo as good enough -- and I didn't do it. 

5. I am thankful for the opportunity to have my dear daughter home for a visit this weekend (even if I'm a little scared about how it will go). 

That's my list. I hope you have wonderful Thankful Thursday!

Thankful Thursday is hosted by Grace Alone.