Ramblings

We spent a week diving in Bonaire. 

I'm still recovering from our vacation, but I did have a few thoughts flit through my head at various moments that I wanted to share before they were lost to the din of daily of life.

Alan is a photographer. He especially loves underwater photography. Unfortunately on this trip he had a few technical difficulties so there aren't as many photos as usual. On one of our last dives (I'm not sure which as they all run together for me) it occurred to me that this time I would just "be" in the moment of the dives. There might not be photos to help me remember things, but by the same token, without photos as a goal I became less focused on finding the right fish or coral formation to point out for a photo op. Instead it became about seeing things and trying to store them away for the future.

This may not be a great revelation for you, but it was for me. I tend to live my life looking forward so much so that I miss out on the now. 

I approached this vacation with some reticence because on our last dive vacation things didn't go well for me. I was really worried I'd have the same ear problems as last time, or that I would just decide I didn't like diving after all. Neither of those things happened. What did happen was I told Alan exactly how I was feeling, above and below the water. I didn't try to second guess what he wanted from me. I did things I like to do (naps by the pool, for example) without guilt or worrying about what he would think.

The fascinating thing to me is how much more fun I had just by letting go. I don't think of myself as a controlling person. I don't try to control other people, but I do try to control situations. It's a safety mechanism that lingers from my childhood experiences. And I let go of some of that on this trip. 

I hope I'll have some pictures to share in the next few days as Alan edits the ones he was able to get. We saw some amazing things -- lion fish, iguana, lizards, cave drawings, goats, and lots of donkeys! We ate some great food, and did our usual enjoyment of desserts, especially ice cream. 

We came home still liking each other which is always a good thing, but especially so this time as dd moved while we gone. Yes, we knew it was happening, but it was still a bit surreal to come home and find her bedroom practically empty. She is settling into her first apartment and full-time job, and we are acclimating to the realization that she doesn't live her anymore. It's a good thing all around, but it feels very different.

Rambling a bit today, but I wanted to say hi and share.

Thanks for all of you who read and comment. You are a blessing.

Shore Dives

Write about a time you tried something new

All week long I've been trying something new, and I think, I think, I got it right yesterday.

Alan and I are in Bonaire this week. Bonaire is an island off the coast of South America that is known for it's beautiful scuba diving opportunities. Reefs filled with coral and anemones and all kinds of ocean flora, and an abundance of sea life. I have floated through schools of fish that look as if it's raining fish!

The big difference on this trip is all that all of our dives have been shore dives instead of boat dives. On a boat dive the crew takes you out into the ocean, helps you into yours gear (which they've loaded onto the boat), and then they help you "Jacques Cousteau" off the side of the boat (basically fall into the water backwards). After you're done with the dive, the dive master sends up a flag or buoy and the boat comes and picks you up. The crew helps you out of yours gear and stores in on the boat. Then they pass out snacks and water while you go to your next dive site.

Shore dives, on the other hand, are all on your own. Alan is a dive master (80+ dives), so he's got us covered on all the important knowledge, which is great since I'm still a novice open water diver (26 dives). But we have to do all the prep and finish work. So we load up the truck with all the gear -- tanks, BCDs (dive vests/flotation devices), scuba suits, weight belts,  booties, fins, masks and snorkels, regulators, rash guards, and our own snacks. We drive to a designated dive site, park, and suit up. Then we walk across the beach and into the surf where we put on our fins, do a safety check, and submerge for the dive. It's Alan's job to navigate and keep up with depth and air consumption (although I have a dive watch and air gauge that I watch closely). After the dive is completed, he has to make sure we get back to the location we parked. There are no roadsigns in the ocean -- it's all done with a compass and visual markers. Let me tell you, it all looks pretty much the same to me down there!

The diving has been great. I've been reminded out much I love being in the underwater world. But entrances and exits have been a real challenge. I float like a cork. And dealing with the waves crashing around me as I walk in carrying roughly 60 lbs. of additional weight has been crazy hard. I've been slammed into rocks, fallen down, let the waves wash me up onto the beach. Whatever it took to get back in.

Yesterday Alan taught me a new technique for getting in and out of the ocean. We crab walked in, facing each other while holding hands. Then I put my snorkel in and laid flat in the water and let him put my fins on me. Much better! For me anyway. Actually it was easier on him too. Better than watching me flail around in borderline panic mode. The exit went just as smoothly. I even made it all the way back to the truck in all my gear instead of shedding it in bits and pieces once I hit land.

We're going out this morning for our last 2 dives for this trip and I'm actually pretty excited to try out my technique again. Kudos to Alan for being a real "dive buddy" on this trip! He's worked hard to help me get more comfortable, and it's really paying off.

Try something new, even if it seems scary and hard. The payoff is awesome!

linking up with Writer's Edge

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . August 12, 2014

Outside my window . . . I see palm trees and the pool outside our room in Bonaire. It's 81* heading up to a high in the mid 80s. Part sun and clouds with a nice ESE breeze that keeps it pleasant.

I am thinking . . . that "vacation" means different things to different people. Dh and I always have to negotiate a bit. He likes to go-go-go, and I like to go-rest-go-rest-go-rest!

I am thankful . . . that we arrived here safely and I am minimal trouble with my ears -- just using lots of Sudafed and a bit of Afrin as the allergist recommended.

In the kitchen . . . what kitchen!?! Actually we do have a fridge in our room as well as a hot water pot, so have yummy snacks, tea, and stuff for breakfast if we so choose.

I am wearing . . . my gown right now, but soon it will be back into my swimsuit and wet suit for more diving.

I am creating . . . memories! Beautiful experiences and memories with my dh. So glad he's a photographer so we will have evidence of some of these.

I am going . . . to Alice in Wonderland and Pink Beach for diving. So far we have done Yellow Submarine, Cha Cha Beach, Bachelor Beach, and Angel City/Hilma Hooker. 

I am wondering . . . what today's dives will show us?

I am reading . . . Atlas Girl by Emily Wierenga. This is a memoir of her life thus far. It is lyrically written and has been totally engrossing.

I'm also reading How the Light Gets In by Louise Penny.

I am looking forward to . . . more dives today and then a quiet evening by the pool while dh goes on a night dive.

I am hearing . . . dh chattering about today's dives. He's like a kid at Christmas once he's in diving mode!

Around the house . . . this is what's apparently happening

Yaya has bonded with dd's cat, Isabeau!

I am praying . . . for out continuing safety. Prayers of thanksgiving for Kent Brantly. Prayers of comfort for the family in Oregon who's wife/daughter/mother killed herself, as well as for Robin William's family.

One of my favorite things . . . is a good vacation. I've had good ones and bad ones. Good is always better.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . diving, diving, and more diving!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

striking a pose for dh at Cha Cha Beach

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

:: fill

I make stacks of clothes and toiletries to fill my suitcase. I fill my carry-on bag with my computer and books and Kindle. 

I fill my belly with food and my hands with crafting supplies.

I fill my mind with stories and movies and documentaries and music.

But what do I fill my heart with? Are those stories and books and movies what I my heart longs for? 

Not really. 

My heart longs to be filled with Spirit. With connection. With affirmation. With love. 

As I head out tomorrow on a new adventure to a new place, what do I want that adventure to be filled with most of all? 

Peace, contentment, joy, and love. Anything else is just icing on my cake of life.

Oh, Lord, as I leave on this adventure I pray for Your guiding hand. For Your protection. Mostly I pray for an open heart to be filled with what You have in store for me. Fill me up!

linking up with (the new) Five Minute Friday

Growing Pains

I have growing pains.

Not the bone and muscle type, but rather the brain and emotions kind. I'm working on a new aspect of learning to trust myself and step out in that trust, and sometimes it hurts.

The hubs and I are going scuba diving in Bonaire next month. Exciting, yes. But I've gained weight since the last time we dove, and the last trip didn't go as planned. I wound up with a damaged eardrum after the first dive and that was it for me for the whole trip. So I've got a bit of anxiety going into this next trip.

This morning I was shopping online for dive skins. I wear a shortie dive suit, but have had some trouble with rashes and such on previous dives, so I've decided to get some kind of rash guard to wear under my shortie. Now here's the thing. Most divers in ads and catalogs are super-fit, model-skinny, sweet young things. None of those adjectives fit me. I'm middle aged, overweight, mildly fit. I tend to look like a penguin in my dive gear (or sometimes a manatee, depending on my mood). Shopping for a bathing suit is not fun for most women. Now ratchet it up by a factor of 10 and you've got some idea of what shopping for dive wear is like.

I like to dive. My husband LOVES to dive. It's something I learned to do to spend time with him. So I don't want the process of looking for equipment to dull the excitement. I don't want to let the fact that I'm not thin keep me from doing something that's fun for us, together. 

So I Googled plus sized dive skins this morning. And I found out that I am not alone. I found a whole thread of discussions on where to look and what to order. I found frank, honest discussions by people, like me, who don't fit the traditional mold for divers, talking about how to accommodate bigger bodies and short legs. 

Don't misunderstand, I'd love to lose some of this extra weight. And I'm working on it, but I'm tired of letting it dampen my enjoyment of activities that I love.

If you're in the ocean next month and a penguin (or manatee) swims by with blue stripes, don't panic. It's just me embracing myself and working on those growing pains.

linking up with Writer's Workshop

It's Me!

linking up with Wordless Wednesday and Wordless Wednesday at The Jenny Evolution

photo credit Alan Pennington

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . August 13, 2013

Outside my window . . . is the Gulf of Mexico. We are in Cozumel. We arrived on Sunday to dire predictions of rain. Right now it is raining some, but nothing like the storms of last night. Hopefully things will continue to clear and my dh (Alan) will be able to get his dives in this morning.

I am thinking . . . about spending the week here without diving. I did 2 dives on Sunday morning and injured my right ear -- Barotitis Media (middle ear barotrauma). It sounds worse than it is. Some pain and swelling and a little blood in my middle ear. A common diver's injury, but it ended my diving week early.

I am thankful . . . for the good medical care provided here. They are treating me with antibiotics and anti-inflammatory medications, as well as a steroid shot.

In the kitchen . . . there is no cooking this week, but there is wonderful Mexican cuisine! White fish in a mushroom sauce, chicken burrito, Mexican Cordon Bleu, and so much fresh fruit!

I am wearing . . . the gown I made for myself a few weeks back, as I'm sitting in bed typing this up. This gown has become my favorite go-to gown. I just love the cut, and the fabric is SO soft.

I am creating . . . a new mandala and working on a baby blanket design.

I am going . . . to rest and read and crochet while Alan is out diving, and then take the afternoon from there.

I am wondering . . . about very little right now.

I am reading . . .  re-reading Outer Banks by Anne Rivers Siddon. 

I just finished Tilt a Whirl by Chris Grabenstein. I liked it so much that I purchased the second title in the series, Mad Mouse, for my Kindle (at $.99 it's a steal!)

I am looking forward to . . . a nap following our stormy night last night.

I am hearing . . . the sea and surf and realizing the rain has quit.

Around the house . . . dd and ds are on their own. I Skyped with Claire last night and all seems well.

I am praying . . . for continued safe diving for Alan and the others here. As well as a my blogging friend, Patti.

One of my favorite things . . . is reading and I've got plenty of time for it this week. Glad I brought my Kindle, a couple of books, magazines, and my Bible study to work on!

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . hopefully some snorkeling later in the week, as the doctor assured me that would be okay.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . (Alan is loving his new underwater camera equipment, and getting some awesome photos!)

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

{TH} read

New crafting magazines for reading, perusing, and crafting ideas -- 

and my training book for Nitrox certification --

I finished my bathroom curtain --

and still working on my half granny square shawl --

linking up with {TH}read

Dive

I don't dive. Not at the pool. Not in real life. I don't dive into anything. I contemplate, investigative, cogitate, dip my toes in, and maybe, maybe slip into something.

Except scuba diving. My husband's been diving for nearly 30 years. When he suggested I learn to dive for our 25th anniversary, I was hesitant, afraid, worried, but I did it. I told him I'd take the Discover Scuba class at the local dive shop. And I did. After that I told him I'd take the Open Water Certification course. And I did. After that I agreed to go to Mexico to finish my pool work and start my open water certification dives. And I did. It took 2 trips to Mexico to finish those open water dives, but I did. I even did the "Jacques Cousteau" flip off the boat on the very first try!

So why can I dive into scuba? I don't really know, except that it was something so important to my husband. He's been so supportive of me over the past years of healing. He's worked hard to understand my fears and anxieties, and given me so much time to heal -- I just had to do this for him. 

And somehow in learning to scuba dive, I learned how to dive into a few more things.

So dive.

Linking up with Five Minute Friday

Wordless Wednesday . . . Sort of

linking up with Wordless Wednesday
[photo by Alan Pennington]

Wordless Wednesday -- Under the Sea

(photo courtesy of Alan Pennington)


for more images go to Wordless Wednesday

:: right now

Right now, I am . . .

::remembering watching my husband in the ocean, diving and happy

::savoring time spent with my daughter in Cozumel . . . eating wonderful island food

::relishing this picture of sparkling lemonade by the sea

::awestruck by the artistic talent I saw while sitting by the sea . . . a group of 3 ladies painting beautiful art

::loving this little collection I created just before going on vacation . . . antique, handmade tablecloth, antique pitcher, and my life is beautiful bowl

::feeling very happy that I found these little birdies in a drawer when I was sorting linens

::looking forward to these creative options

::soaking in all the green that I discovered when we got home

::very pleased with this little arrangement -- bird measuring spoons and a little vintage crochet piece

inspired by SouleMama

diary of 5

I am seeing... the Caribbean Sea

I am hearing... tropical birds and waves lapping

I am smelling... salt water

I tasted... fresh papaya

I am feeling... happy

(photo by Alan Pennington)

link up at Diary of 5

RemembeRED -- Hope

I hailed a cab today. That may not sound like much, but it’s actually evidence of a life changed.

I was abused as a child, and that abuse taught me to hope for survival. Hope for anything more was buried under the rubble of my shattered childhood.

Several years ago, my husband began encouraging me to get my scuba diving certification. He’s been certified for years and wanted me to dive with him. I didn’t think I could handle it. I suffer from anxiety and claustrophobia, but I agreed to take a discover scuba class at the local dive shop. It went better than I expected.

Then my husband signed me up for the online course to complete the book work just before our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, and planned a vacation to Mexico that would include scuba diving. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to complete the work in time, but I did.

When we got to Mexico, he arranged for private confined water classes for me, even having the scuba instructor come to our hotel one morning to work on some of the training I was having particular trouble mastering. I didn’t think I’d ever learn to clear a mask, but I did.

This past December we went to Cozumel and I completed my open water dives and got certified as an open water diver. It was one of the proudest moments in my life. I never would have dreamed I’d be scuba diving, but my husband kept encouraging me, and with every success I had hope for more. We’re back in Cozumel this week for diving, fun, and relaxation.

Today I hailed a taxi and went into town and did some shopping, and then hailed another taxi back to the hotel.

So what does scuba diving have to do with hailing a taxi? Everything. If not for the discover scuba class, I never would have tried the online course. If not for the online course, I never would have done the confined water course. If not for the confined water course, I never would have completed the open water dives. And if not for the open water dives, I never would have considered hailing a cab in a foreign country. Scuba diving has given me hope.

For years all I wanted was to survive. But now . . . now, I hope to embrace all that life has to offer.

This week, we were asked to share a memoir featuring hope, expressed in 400 words or less.

link up at Write on Edge

Red Writing Hood -- 3, 2, 1

Three, two, one. No! I can’t do this!?! They’re waiting for me. Everyone is waiting for me to take that first step. I have to do it. I can’t do it!

It’s just one step. One GIANT step. That’s even what they call it. Walk up to the edge of the pool, and let your fins hang over the edge of the pool. Look straight ahead at the horizon. Place your hand over your mask and regulator. And take one giant step. Into mid-air. Knowing you are going to fall.

I can barely swim. I know intellectually that I have all the necessary equipment – the BCD, the tank, the regulator, the mask, the fins. It’s only 12 feet deep, and my husband and instructor are waiting in the water for me. Just look straight ahead and take a step. Unfortunately all I can think about is all those old movies with scenes of people being forced to walk the plank!

I’ve flipped into the ocean backwards for God’s sake! How hard can this be? It’s like so many things in my life – a giant step of faith. Trusting in the unknown. Trusting in myself – that I’ve done the work, that I’m prepared, that I am capable. Other people believe in me. Why is it so hard to believe in myself?

I look into the pool and see two men that I know I can trust. Two men who believe in me. I look out toward the horizon. I close my eyes. Three, two, one – giant step.

read more or link up at Red Writing Hood

Thankful Thursday

This Thankful Thursday comes to you from Cozumel, Mexico. We (dh & I) are on the last full day of our vacation, and it has been lovely. When we left home on Saturday we were concerned about the potential for bad weather while we were down here. Lots of rain was predicted. So far we've only had rain once, and that was on Sunday night. Every day has been beautiful with a mix of sun and clouds, and temperatures in the 70s and 80s.

I completed my scuba diving certification and went out yesterday on my first 2 dives as a full fledged scuba diver! I am very proud of myself for overcoming fear and trepidation, and taking the plunge (pun intended!) so that dh and I could enjoy this activity together.

I am frequently in awe of the beautiful world God has provided for us on this earth, but I have rarely had the opportunity to see God's underwater creations. Generally only in aquariums, but now I have seen God's aquarium! It is spectacular!

I hope I will have many more opportunities to visit in His aquarium in the future. For now I am just thankful for this experience.

find more Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . December 13, 2011

Outside my window . . . is the Caribbean Sea. So incredibly blue!

I am thinking . . . that a vacation just before Christmas is a very good idea.

I am thankful . . . for my dh who planned and executed our wonderful vacation. He is always helping me find ways to enjoy life more.

From the learning rooms . . . it’s exam time dd and ds. I pray that they are doing well.

In the kitchen . . . I’m on vacation from cooking, but not from delicious food!

I am wearing . . . yoga pants and an Old Navy t-shirt.

I am creating . . . a new shawl from Interweave Crochet. I had to have something to work on that wouldn't take up much space on the trip.

I am going . . . . for my final 2 dives today. Once these 2  are done I will be a certified scuba diver! Who would have ever thought I would do such a thing!?!

I am wondering . . . how I will do on the boat in between dives. The dives are fun for the most part, except for a little test anxiety regarding the skills I have to complete. The boat trip is another issue. I tend to get seasick, so I’m hoping that Dramamine kicks in and works well.

I am reading . . . Life of Pi again. I needed to limit myself to one book for this trip, and I thought enforced reading might help me finish if. I did not enjoy the last few chapters as they were far too gruesome in describing the death of animals. Eeeeew!

I am hoping . . . to complete these 2 dives with ease, so that the remainder of the dives will just be fun.

I am looking forward to . . . more fun dives with dh and some snorkeling. We may even squeeze in a visit to San Gervasio:

San Gervasio was a site dedicated to the Mayan goddess Ixchel ("She of the Rainbows"), deity of midwifery, fertility, medicine and weaving. Many women from the mainland Mayan settlements made the pilgrimage here to Ixchel´s shrine at some point in their lifetime.

I am hearing . . . the surf on the shore and people moving about getting ready for early morning dives.

Around the house . . . really just a room that someone else is cleaning for me!

I am pondering . . . . the benefits of rest and relaxation.

One of my favorite things . . . is spending time in new locals with my dh. He has broadened my world SO much in the past 26 years.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . more diving, Mayan ruins, good food, rest and relaxation.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

Blue Angel Resort and Dive Shop

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . December 6, 2011

Outside my window . . . it is cloudy and rainy. Again. It's a recurring theme around here. We are supposed to get some sun tomorrow. Here's hoping!

I am thinking . . . about my upcoming trip with dh. We are headed to Cozumel for some more scuba diving.

I am thankful . . . for friends who check on me. I had a rough weekend with the most recent flashback, the holidays, and a very good, but difficult message at church on Sunday. This morning a friend called just to see how I was. Very sweet!

From the learning rooms . . . still more wrestling than studying going on from all appearances.

In the kitchen . . . last night was pot roast, zucchini/squash souffle and hot rolls. Tonight is looking like salmon and shrimp with broccoli and carrots.

I am wearing . . . my red flannel robe and slippers.

I am creating . . . I completed the Attic 24 bag here. Now I'm back on the Coming Home poncho in Sensations Rainbow Classic berry.

I am going . . . . to yoga class, the bank and then home to finish decorating and doing some housework.

I am wondering . . . about the latest memories of abuse that have surfaced. There is a part of me (albeit, small) that wishes I knew more about what drove the abusers to make the choices they made. Something best not dwelt upon.

I am reading . . . not much of late. My concentration is off probably from the recent stress. Life of Pi is still coming and going, and I started The Whole Five Feet by Christopher R. Beha.

I am hoping . . . to get to yoga class today. I've been struggling with exercise lately. Why is that when I know how much better I feel when I exercise regularly?

I am looking forward to . . . doing some baking. I think I will try to get a batch of pumpkin bread and cranberry orange bread made this week and stored in the freezer. I want to make mincemeat cookies when I get back from the trip.

I am hearing . . . nothing but the hum of electronics and my fingers on the computer keyboard.

Around the house . . . "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"

I am pondering . . . . what God wants me to do with my story.

One of my favorite things . . . is turning on the Christmas tree lights first thing in the morning. It's a truly lovely way to start the day, especially on dreary mornings.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . a couple of appointments on Wednesday, finishing the Christmas decorating, maybe some baking, and packing for the trip.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

image from Pinterest

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . November 22, 2011

Outside my window . . . it is cloudy and rainy. Again. And it's warm. Again. Mid 60's already this morning.

I am thinking . . . about my bestie and her husband who leave a week from Thursday for a mission trip to Simferopol, Ukraine. You may read more about it here.

I am thankful . . . for the whole family's improved health. I am feeling much better. Ds and dh seem to be over their colds, while dd is finishing a round of antibiotics for a sinus infection. I hope we are all done with sickness for a while!

From the learning rooms . . . no school this week!

In the kitchen . . . last night was hot ham and cheese sandwiches with chips and baked beans. I told the kids (21 & 18) I was on strike for dinner this week, since I haven't been feeling the love regarding my cooking lately.

I am wearing . . . my summer weight robe?

I am creating . . . a poncho using the Coming Home pattern from Lion Brand yarn. I am using a variegated Sensations yarn in shades of purple.

I am going . . . . for a "female" check-up today. Oh joy!

I am wondering . . . again about the lasting effects of childhood abuse. Another flashback last week caught me completely unaware. Initially I felt completely out of control, but I began processing much quicker than I have in the past. There is much work to do, but I do feel more hopeful.

I am reading . . . not much. Nothing seems to be holding my attention lately.

I am hoping . . . that the scuba trip dh and I have planned for December is successful. I finished my enclosed water training on Saturday. Hopefully the open water dives will fun and less stressful.

I am looking forward to . . . Thanksgiving with dh's aunt, uncle and cousins (and doing very little cooking!)

I am hearing . . . the washer buzzing, dog shaking their collars and ds horking down breakfast before heading off to wrestling practice.

Around the house . . . much work has been done in the bonus room over the last few days. I am moving my sewing machine in there in the hope that having more room will encourage me to sew more.

I am pondering . . . . helping my husband do the communion comments this coming Sunday. I want to find the right words.

One of my favorite things . . . yarn! (I'm sorry. I keep repeating myself, don't I?)

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . continuing the cleaning and purging and then heading out of town for Thanksgiving.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . .

Before . . .

After . . .

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook