:: ten things

simple things -- 

:: fresh flowers in the house

:: a new door greeter

:: feathers

:: music

:: a new skill to learn

:: a new mug

:: planning

:: clean water to drink

:: vintage table linens

:: crossword puzzles

:: ten things

a reminder to be grateful for the daily things --

1:: a cup of tea

2:: my sweet Yaya

3:: yarn

4:: books and journals

5:: new projects

6:: comforting food

7:: opportunities

8:: good sleep

9:: happy things

10::  fabric

with thanks to SouleMama

Grateful

I am grateful. 

Last week I wrote about a mess I was struggling with. The struggle is still there, but it's not quite as overwhelming. And I saw Ann Voskamp's quote on happiness and gratitude on a friend's page this morning -- a friend who lost her only daughter in a car wreck . . . a friend who is helping to raise her small grandson without a mother while instilling memories of her in his heart -- and it made me remember to acknowledge how grateful I am.

Gratitude is important to all of us. We want to be acknowledged when we do something nice for someone else. It validates the giver and the recipient. God wants us to acknowledge our gratitude to Him, and we should. But the reality is that acknowledging my gratitude to God is really more for me than for Him. Stopping and sitting with my gratitude for all the things that God does for me makes me take notice of them. It makes me give Him credit which in turn brings me closer to Him. And that's what it's all about.

Being grateful makes me recognize my own needs and limitations, and opens me up to receiving and recognizing God's love and grace.

So right now, in this moment, I am grateful.

linking up with Five Minute Friday

Choosing Expectations

It's the day after Christmas. The house is quiet. Alan has gone to work. Claire is off on a pet sitting job, and Sam is still snoozing away.

There's been a lot of stress in our pre-holiday household -- facing our first Christmas without Byron. Sam is in the middle of changing colleges. Claire just graduated from college a couple of weeks ago and has been searching for her first full time job. Add to that the regular stressors of the season and my own familial issues, and we had the potential for a huge, unpleasant Christmas Day.

Three weeks ago I wrote about my concerns for the season. About wanting to feel excited and upbeat, but instead feeling a bit cynical and working to lower my expectations. And here's what I discovered. Really taking the time to determine what was important to me for the season helped everyone else have a better season as well.

I let go of Norman Rockwell/Martha Stewart visions. I accepted that the Publix and Apple commercials, while lovely to watch, are not reality. By focusing more on Advent and, oddly enough, my own wants and wishes, instead of trying to make it all perfect for everyone else, I had a calmer, more relaxed, and appreciative day than I have had in years. 

It wasn't perfect. 

My chocolate chess pie baked all over my oven on Tuesday, so I had to clean the oven instead of baking Cranberry Orange Nut bread, but I'll make it for New Year's Day instead. And the pie was ugly, but still delicious, and no one seemed to care. The Milk Salad wasn't the best one I've ever made, but it happens. The Cinnamon Eve Buns tasted heavenly, but fell apart when Claire turned them out of the pan. 

But my kids liked their presents more than I had expected (even though we toned it way down this year), and I even managed to surprise Alan with a couple of gifts and lift his spirits. We went to the in-laws and had a pretty good time. It didn't run like clockwork, and was actually quite chaotic, but I chose not to stress it. I chose.

That's been the key phrase for me this year -- choosing what to take on as my responsibility. Choosing to make my wants and wishes as important as everyone else's. And accepting that I can't make everything work out perfectly for everyone else, because it's not my job and I don't have that kind of power.

So it's the day after Christmas. My kitchen is clean. The wrapping paper is all picked up from the living room floor. I got some lovely goodies. Ate some pretty good food. Helped some other people have a good time. Talked and laughed with my kids and husband. And I never got angry or yelled a single time. 

Merry Christmas 2013. It was good to see you.

Something to Be Thankful for . . .

:: a warm house

:: sweet doggies to snuggle

:: my talented husband

:: my grown-up daughter

:: my funny son (even with his growing pains)

:: good friends through thick and thin

:: crochet -- mandalas and shawls and blankets

:: blogging -- struggles and cooking and crafting

:: baking -- bread and pies and squares

:: curiosity -- reading and listening and watching

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!

linking up with Writer's Workshop

Five Minute Friday: Gratitude

Gratitude. It's one of my favorite words, and Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

Because it's not about presents or egg hunts or costumes or candy. It's about stopping and thinking about what's good in my life. It's about recognizing what acknowledging thankfulness does for my life.

It's also about family. Over the past few years, family's been a tough thing for me. But last year and this year we traveled to my husband's cousin's home and I have found a happy place to be grateful. The food is delicious of course, but what's really important to me is how we all work together happily to make it happen. How we are relaxed and at ease with one another. There doesn't seem to be a subtext that I can't follow. 

We are who we are in our jeans and t-shirts and flannel shirts. We are loud and boisterous. We are a family who loves one another warts and all. And we laugh.

Bountiful gratitude.

linking up at Five Minute Friday

in gratitude

This weekend I found myself realizing over and over again how  grateful I am for my husband. I know I talk about him a lot here. Some of you may get tired of hearing how amazing he has been in helping me with my recovery from abuse. 
Let me be clear, he is no saint. He is irritating at times. We argue (although not like we used to). He leaves stuff lying around, gets annoyed when his laundry's not ready, and has been known to be in a bad mood on occasion. 
But, and this is huge, he has carried so much of my burden for me. Not only has he dealt with his own issues and struggles in coming to grips with the fact that his wife was abused, but he has consistently done for me all manner of great and small things -- from putting up with fairies all over the house, and stuffed animals, to holding me as my body processed the pain of abuse even though I had wakened him from a sound sleep. He has turned on lights (literally and figuratively) when I couldn't. He came home from work in the middle of the morning once because I couldn't find a quilt I needed. He has listened and listened to the stories from my childhood. He's researched. He's talked to my parents trying to get them to "see" what I need from them. He is my compassionate witness.
Yesterday was Father's Day. I wanted to make it special for him, because he is so deserving, but I was still processing some recent conversations and comments. When we got home from worship. I talked with and told him I needed to get away from everything for awhile and do some writing. He smiled at me and said, "Go." That's my husband. My needs supersede his so often and he is generous about it.

Care to share a single gratitude that's most present in your heart this morning? If you feel inspired, join along in the comments here today....

inspired by SouleMama

Thankful Thursday #9

Receiving gratitude is difficult for me. 
Over the past couple of weeks I've been helping two high school students learn about sewing. They each chose to make a vintage clothing item as part of their history projects this quarter. Neither one of them knew much about sewing. 
I am apparently one of a dying breed of moms who knows how to sew garments and owns a sewing machine. I didn't mind them using my equipment, but I didn't really want to get pulled into doing the projects for them.
Of course they waited too late (from my perspective) to start the projects and hadn't read through the directions on their patterns until they were ready to sew (12 days before the project was due!). I explained about laying out pattern pieces and grain of fabric. I showed them how to pin the pieces in place following the layout on the pattern, and left them to it.
They did well with the cutting, but the sewing was a bit much for them, and truth be told for me as well. These were duplicates of vintage patterns -- read: bad photo copies with little or no instructions! I learned a lot right a long with the kids.
Tuesday night they came over to put the finishing touches on the garments and finish the presentation they had to do in class. They walked in bearing gifts -- for me! I was floored. A beautiful arrangement of flowers

A gift card to my favorite restaurant and another to Joann's Fabric, and a new pair of sewing shears! I was stunned. These are nice kids and so I figured they'd express gratitude for the help, but this, well this, was just too much. Included in it all was a note that said in part . . . 

I think you'll believe us when we say there

is no way we could have done this 

without you!

It made me think about receiving gratitude. We tend to brush it aside, but truth be told we all need the opportunity to show gratitude. I had gone out of my way for these two, so it was appropriate for them to show thankfulness, but I felt unworthy of this much gratitude. Learning to receive gratitude is important in helping me learn to show gratitude.

I want God to feel overwhelmed by my gratitude. He has done so much more for me than I could ever express. All I have are my words and my life to show my gratitude. I know it's not enough, but I also know it's all He asks.

link up at Women Taking a Stand

Goodbye, 2011

Saturday is usually poetry day, and I'll admit I tried to find something appropriate. There's Burns or Tennyson or William Cullen Bryant. But none of them spoke to me.


I am no poet, and yet I find myself wanting to say something meaningful at the end of this year. Something that will strike a chord with my readers and me. I just don't know what that would be.


My dh always writes an end/beginning of the year post, and from where I sit, I can never compete. There is such depth and remembrance!


I write because of a need I have. I have been blessed this year that so many of you have read my words, and a few of you have commented. The writing fills a void for me, but it also allows me to tell my history in a public way. I have often commented on the benefit of public disclosure regarding abuse. I have found no greater outlet than here on this blog. The fact that you take the time to read and comment still astounds me. So once more a huge thank you to all of you who read, with a special thanks to those who comment!


I have found new and old outlets this year. Returning to crocheting has been a boon for my spirit, soul and self esteem. I enjoy the process -- something I have a very hard time doing as a rule. I think I am getting pretty good at it. I've sold a few things and love the things I've kept. Perhaps the greatest blessing from crocheting was in the form of a note my dh gave me for Christmas. He went to my local yarn shop to get me some goodies and had a conversation with my favorite worker there.

"Oh, you're Melanie's husband. I just love her. 

She has such a great attitude and she just never

seems to get flustered. 

She finds projects to take on and if she can't 

figure it out, she doesn't get frustrated 

or give up, she just comes in and asks 

for help, and her work is just beautiful. 

She is just a wonderful

person to be around."

I cried when I read this. I didn't get a lot of encouragement growing up. I was often told that I thought too highly of myself. My natural assumption is that I am an annoyance to people -- that they put up with me to provide something, like food, or out of a sense of duty. To have words like these spoken about me by someone who gained nothing by saying them was simply amazing to me. (I hope I am not out of line in sharing this. I find myself wondering if this will be misinterpreted. I hope not!) So to my dh for sharing and Emily for saying these things, a huge thank you.

My prayer for your new year is that it will be filled with real love, real friends and real experiences. That the troubles you face will be manageable and that you will find support from God, family and friends. That your joys will be many, and you will recognize and appreciate them. And that you will find purpose in what you do and realize your value and the gifts we all bring to this world.

Blessings.

Saturday Poetry -- A grateful heart

Thou hast given so much to me

Give one thing more-a grateful heart;

Not thankful when it pleaseth me,

But such a heart whose pulse may be

Thy praise.

...George Herbert

Thankful Thursday -- February 3, 2011

It's an interesting exercise -- stopping and thinking about gratitude. Not just that quick thanks, but really considering the people, events or things that I am grateful for. Sure I want to live a grateful life, but how can I if I don't make the time to acknowledge my gratitude.

It's easy to fall into a routine of gratitude that's not soul level gratitude. What if I had to come up with different things to express gratitude for every Thursday for an entire year!?! How difficult would it be not to fall back on the tried and true -- home, husband, children, job. Not that it's wrong to be grateful for these things, but maybe I need to look deeper. Move out of my comfort zone.

So for this week anyway here's my list:

1. I am grateful for sitting down to dinner with extended family a couple of weeks ago, and realizing that I was relaxed and at ease. For years I couldn't do this, and I realized in that moment in the crowded restaurant what a blessing and gift it is to feel at ease with my husband's family. 

2. I am grateful for a realization about right and wrong that I had this week. I started crocheting again about a year ago after having done virtually nothing since high school. A friend asked me to help her brush up on her skills, and in the process of helping her, it occurred to me that maybe there's not really a right or wrong way to crochet. I mean, somewhere someone picked up a stick and some thread and started tying knots to create designs, so who's to say what's right or wrong. Maybe it's just a new stitch!

3. I am grateful for my friend's ability to bake cookies. Don't get me wrong, I make very good cookies, but there is something remarkable about the way Linda does it. She doesn't need the recipe; she never misses a beat in the conversation as she makes them; and all you ever have to do is ask and she'll bake them. Like this past Tuesday, we were together doing crafty things and having "group therapy". She fed us a quick lunch and then said, "I'm baking cookies." 

4. I am grateful for learning the lesson of perseverance, even if it did take me a while. I used to refer to myself as a "procrastinating perfectionist". I would put off doing anything out of fear that it might not be done "right". I think child rearing and crafting are the best ways to overcome this mindset. There are no "do overs" in child rearing, so you have to learn to live with mistakes, apologize whenever necessary and move on. You really can't just leave them to their own defenses! But crafting taught me the other side of that coin -- especially crocheting. Start the project. If you don't like it, unravel it and start something different. Life's too short to finish projects you don't enjoy.

5. Finally, I am grateful that learning goes on forever. I never want to stop learning! 

They were also to stand every morning to thank and praise the LORD. They were to do the same in the evening . . .

-- I Chronicles 23:30

Look for more Thankful Thursday post @ Women Taking a Stand

A Guest Post from the Dh

I'll turn 48 this year. Sam will be a senior at Lipscomb High School and Claire will start her junior year at Lipscomb College.

Melanie and I have been married 25 year and I've been working at the same job for nearly 21 years. If I'm not old, I'm surely middle aged and maybe a little more...lol.

The earth has revolved around the sun over 2010 times since the birth of our Lord (depending on when you actually place his birth . . . sometime between 3 and 6 BC if I remember my Bible classes).

Each time the earth rotates around the sun another time, we celebrate our victories and mourn our losses. I lost my mom 22 years ago, my grand dad 38 years ago, and my friend Bob almost 3 years ago.

I watched Claire graduate from Mercy this year, which has been the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for her. I've watched her grow and heal and it's been wonderful.

I still have a job and these days that's certainly something to be thankful for, and a Godly wife who loves me more than I deserve.

Sam is just fun to have around and is making really good progress in school. He's dating Samantha and they're already talking about maybe getting married one day (wow!). He struggles with his faith, but I pray he will find that religion is not from God. Christ is. What the world needs is a relationship with a healing savior. Unfortunately, religion often gets in the way (did I mention the crusades...lol).

Anyway, on this January 1, 2011, I squat in my chair (because I still can't sit) but I'm thankful that I can squat because standing is tiresome and makes my feet hurt and I'm thankful I'm learning to sit Indian style again. Maybe my butt will heal this year or I'll get some shots. Anyway, its a minor inconvenience.

It's dark outside and has obviously been raining. I wonder what God has out there for me this year. I wonder how many more times the earth will rotate around the sun before the Son comes back to claim the victory and we will find an eternal home. I wonder what heaven is like. 

I don't know what heaven will be like and its hard to believe in something you can't imagine. I read The Shack this year and I imagine God's love is what will be at the center of heaven, so maybe the particulars don't matter so much; only I'd really like to get a little better idea of things there. I mean, is there really no marriage (so no sex). That seems terrible depressing, but then again, I'm sure it won't be depressing. It will be wonderful. I just can't imagine it.

Well, however many more times the earth rotates or however more days God gives me breath on this earth, I hope you will find the Love of God in Christ to be more important than any of the temporary problems we have to deal with and joy will grow in your life and blow a calm air of contentment and peace over your heart each day.

I want to do a good deed each day but some days it's just not enough. I want to know what I'll be doing in 5 years, 10 years, 40 years. I want a plan. I guess God has a plan. I just don't get to see all of it and I guess that's OK.

Let us all pray more this year. Let us all read the Bible a little more this year. Let's all love each other a little more this year and by all means lets all take more opportunities to say thank you this year.

There's no better way to let love grow in your heart and the hearts of those around you then to express a little gratitude. I haven't read this book but heard the author interviewed on NPR so its definitely on my reading list this year: 365 Thank Yous.

So, if you read this. Thank you. If you commented on any of my posts this year. Thank you. If you prayed for me or for Melanie or for my kids. Thank you.

May this year be a blessing for you and yours and may your heart be filled with thankfulness each day.

God bless you.

Your friend and fellow traveler,

A

Thankful Thursday -- September 30, 2010

Once again I find myself grateful for the opportunity to share the things that I am thankful for this week. I am grateful everyday, but it is good for my soul to sit down and enumerate the blessings in my life, and to realize that while, yes, there are struggles and stress, my God truly provides for my every need.


So for this Thankful Thursday I am grateful for:


1. My dh. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again, but I never cease to feel that God provided my dh for me. God knew the struggles I would face and He provided me with the help meet who was matched for me. 


2. Sleep. One sleepless night is all it takes to remind me of how grateful I am that God established the concept of rest. 


3. Old friends. I have had so much fun and found so much value in reconnecting with friends my my childhood/young adult years. It has been a real blessing to talk with people who have known me for SO long.


4. New friends. Last night I connected with some lovely ladies in my Beth Moore class. It is hard for me to reach out and trust anyone, but especially new people. A big thank you to the lovely ladies who encouraged me last night.


5. Talent (?) and intellect. It's hard to say positive things about myself, but I am so grateful for this outlet of blogging. I know that it has helped me to find my voice, and I hope it will help others as well.


May your Thankful Thursday be full of blessings. Check out Grace Alone for more sharing of gratitude.

September 2nd, Thankful Thursday

I have much to be thankful for today, and I am so happy and excited to be able to share!


The last few weeks have been hard. There's just no other way to say it. Because of that I stretched my comfort zone (yet again!) and asked for help. I sent a message to some good friends asking for support, and boy did I get it! Such love and affirmation (and humor) can only make me feel better. 

--I was reminded of the love of God and good friends. 

--I was reminded of the compassion and caring exhibited by God through His children. 

--I was reminded that I am not alone, even though that's what Satan wants me to believe.

And it didn't stop there. God kept giving me things all day. 

--An unexpected (and much needed) email from my "mother" telling me she loves and misses me. 

--A haircut (yes that was planned) with the opportunity to talk uncensored to the lovely Christian lady who cuts my hair.

--Lunch with my bff, who reaffirmed, yet again, why she is my bff.

--A new Bible study last night where women of God reached out to me and I was able to share some of my needs.

--A "chance" meeting with my minister in the parking lot, who asked me, "How are you doing?" And I realized he really wanted to know.

God is so good. He provides for all our needs. And all I had to do was ask.

For more Thankful Thursdays visit Grace Alone.

Day of Gratitude

It's Thankful Thursday. As is often the case, I am glad for this opportunity to focus on gratitude. Yesterday was a rough day with pain and memories, and this morning has brought pain again. So it's a good time to focus on the good things in my life and remind myself that the abuse is in the past.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Pain medication that works.

2. My husband's sense of humor, and his safe travels yesterday through torrential rain.

3. Rain that we needed very badly. Wishing peace to those who got too much rain though.

4. Plans to see some friends in a play this weekend. It's always nice to go out to a show, but it doubles the fun when friends are on the stage!

5. While I am not grateful for the pain I am currently dealing with, I am grateful to be finally addressing and working through the abuse that causes the recurring pain. It is a hard path at times, but well worth it for the positive changes I have seen in my life.

Here's a picture of my "dream" garden:

Visit Women Taking a Stand for more lists of gratitude. I hope your day is filled with gratitude and love.

Holding on to Gratitude

I consider myself a grateful person, but sometimes it's hard to remember to express it. Thankful Thursday is a blessing in my life for giving me the opportunity to stop and think and share all the blessings in my life!

Today I am thankful for:

-- Air conditioning! We are suffering through a real heat wave here in Tennessee. The prediction is a little cooler today, i.e., we probably will stay under 100!

-- My dh for taking me away on a lovely weekend getaway last weekend. Time alone with dh is never to be squandered.

-- The five lovely friends I had lunch with yesterday. Thanks to Linda, Caroline, Sandra, Valerie, and Keith for sharing, laughing and just being such good friends!

-- It happens a lot, but I am so grateful for my therapist who is knowledgeable, kind and spiritual.

-- "Aha" moments when new realizations breakthrough.

-- Telephones. I know, I know. They can be terribly distracting and annoying, but they also allow me to talk with my dh even though he is all the way across the country!

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!”
~ Psalm 100:4 (ESV)

Thankful Thursday is brought to you by Broken for God. 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for . . . 

1. A message on the benefits of confession and sharing with fellow servants.
2. Breakthroughs and realizations.
3. Good friends to have fun and serious times with.
4. A planned weekend away with my dh and friends.
5. My therapist.
6. Intelligence and the ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings. 
7. My son and his girlfriend who make me laugh with joy.
8. Creative hands provided by the ultimate Creator.
9. Balance.
10. Suffering/Recovery . . . life requires both.

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!”
~ Psalm 100:4 (ESV)


Thankful Thursday is brought to you by Spiritually Unequal Marriage.