Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Cynicism and Expectation



Yesterday was crafting day with my best friend. We get together on Tuesdays to work on projects, encourage each other, talk, and do yoga. Yesterday was mostly encouragement and yoga. 

It's the holidays, and as hard as I try I can't seem to avoid a downward turn in my mood. Just as everyone else seems to be gearing up into super happy mode, I'm turning into a sleeping hermit.

I want to be excited and upbeat. Energized by the carols and decorations, but mostly I just wonder why I'm not. There are a lot of things that feed into the holiday slump. This year is our first Christmas without my father in law. We always went to his house on Christmas morning, and he LOVED watching the kids open presents. There is a changing of the guard this year.

We don't see my family at Christmas. Too many difficult memories and associations, not to mention hurt feelings. It's a choice I made, but it hurts nonetheless. I want something I can't have. Expectations can be hard to release.

I'm trying something new this year. I wrote about it a little bit on Monday. And I'm following The Nourished Home as she leads us From Hectic to Harmonious. Yesterday's focus was "How do I want to feel this season?" Here's what I came up with --

1. peaceful (full of peace) 
2. content (not needing anything or any competition) 
3. at ease (comfortable with how MY holidays play out) 
4. I want to feel God's presence in this time of celebration 
5. grateful (letting go of worries, and be thankful for all that I have)

I'm taking my expectations down a notch, and I'm choosing to be a little cynical about what I see on Pinterest and social media, reminding myself that those are wishes and highlight reels. 

And I'm focusing on Advent. The season of waiting. Lighting my candles and enjoying the warmth from the glow that remind me it is worth the wait.


linking up with imperfect prose

2 comments:

  1. I'm really with you in the pressing into Advent. Waiting. Not rushing. It is hard, but with God, all things are possible.

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  2. yes. i understand these feelings friend, and especially with the disappointments and the losses that you associate with the holiday. i think advent is such a gift in that it expects us to just wait. to sit and wait for GOD to show up, in a manger. simple as that. WE don't have to do anything. we just wait. and the angels will rise and sing their glory and bring us to the stable, where we'll worship. praying for you, that God will whisper your new name into your ear, dear Melanie... he's got one for you, Abba's daughter. e.

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