Thursday, January 10, 2013

Fulfilling

Creativity, it’s good theology; it’s what God did in the beginning. 
--Ann Voskamp

Create -- 1  to bring into existence
God created the heaven and the earth — Genesis 1:1
2 a : to invest with a new form, office, or rank  b : to produce or bring about by a course of action or behavior
3 to produce through imaginative skill


I use the word a lot. About a plethora of different things. I talk about creating craft items, meals, a home, an environment. But I've never thought about my desire to create having anything to do with being made in God's image. I don't think much about being made in God's image at all honestly.

For years I squashed the desire to create as frivolous. A waste of time. I belittled people (especially women) who spent time crafting, or painting, or sewing. They (frequently) weren't saving money, which I saw as the only valid reason for doing some of those things.

That attitude, I don't know where it came from, but it may have just been an excuse. A method of hiding my own insecurities. I'm a recovering perfectionist. Actually I'm a recovering, procrastinating perfectionist. I spent so many years afraid of things not turning out perfectly, that I just avoided doing anything. Try was not in my vocabulary as a positive term. Try implied the option of failure, and failure means humiliation. Yes, I recognize it now as one more residual of the abuse I suffered. Yes, I see all kinds of correlations. Yes, I can only learn by sometimes trying and failing. I know. I see it all. Now.

Now I see it was another way of turning my back on God. Another missed opportunity to connect and engage with the One who would ultimately heal me. God was driven to create, and I am made in His image. My need, drive, desire to create, whether it is another baby afghan, prayer beads, or simply order in my life, is another way to connect, reach, be with God.

Not frivolous, fulfilling.

linking up with imperfect prose on thursdays

5 comments:

  1. Dear Melanie
    I always say that when you point a finger at someone else's faults, 4 fingers point back at yourself. Yes, we usually want to disguise our faults behind a superficial perfectionistic complex. This is a hard road to walk as you have said! This is my first visit to your blog. Nice to meet you at Emily's.
    Blessings
    Mia

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  2. Hi, I've posted a comment under your previousd post - Haunted. Just letting you know in case you don't look back to previous posts.

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  3. you sound so much like me.
    that perfectionism thing? oh, it sure is a nasty bug, isn't it? yeah, i hear you.
    amazing how simply acknowledging how little we are and how much something like creating fulfills us can liberate.
    bless you on this journey, friend.

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  4. I love the connection between creating and connecting with God. So true. Thank you for pointing that out.

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  5. oh i LOVE this melanie. well done. and i'm a recovering perfectionist too :) he is always recreating us.

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