Light or dark.
I've been afraid of the dark all my life. But then again I've been afraid of the light most of my life as well. I lived in the dark for a very long time, because I thought it was the safest place to be. Once I started to let the light in on my history, I was afraid of the light, but only for a little while. The more light I let in, the more used to the light I became, and the more light I wanted.
The hard part for me was discovering that some people around me preferred to live in the dark. Each time I opened up to them, to let in light, they pulled away from me. Retreated back into their darkness. So for awhile I tried to live in light and dark. Segueing between the two to accommodate them.
It didn't work for me. Trying to dwell in light and dark simultaneously was like trying to serve two masters -- “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." (Matt. 6:24 NIV). It was cleaving me in two.
So for now I've walked away from those who fear the light. I need to stay in the light to survive. I want them to join me. To feel the warmth on their skin, and the weight lifted from their shoulders. But I can't force them to come with me. I miss them, and I pray for them, and I dream of them joining me.
The light has become my true friend: filling me with joy, overcoming the darkness, and showing me the way. I revel in the light -- being truly seen, having the weight lifted off my shoulders.
linking up with imperfect prose on thursday
I saw that quote, and I almost used it as my inspiration yesterday before a new direction came to my heart.
ReplyDeleteThis is truth, dear sister.
Visiting from sweet emily's corner
melanie, i know i've visited before (i remember your about me section... mine could be the same) and i don't remember if i left notice or not, but either way, i'm returning to blogging after more than 8 months away.....
ReplyDeleteall this to say that this post is so on point for my family right now. my first counselor told me that those in the darkness don't like the light to be shined on them b/cs it shows them the truth of who they are.... and that is true still.
huge hugs. not sure if this applies, but it can hurt to pull away from those in the dark, even if they've hurt us. i know it does for me, anyway.
Misty -- I remember you : )
DeleteYou are right it does hurt to pull away, especially when they are hateful about the process. I have had to accept that they will not change (maybe they can't) so I must reconfigure the dynamic. I want to reconcile under my own boundaries, but I am still afraid of being sucked back into darkness. I'll be checking out your blog today!
I'm glad you've chosen the light...that you've dug your heels up in a pool of it. Good for you. Enough darkness is enough.
ReplyDeleteDoing this is such a complex tender balance. Blessings on you as you've found the right place for you today and as you seek to call others out of the dark!
ReplyDeleteThe light and the dark, yeah I hear you, so hard to be in the dark and then choose to be in the light and leave some behind.
ReplyDelete-Bob