Light or dark.
I've been afraid of the dark all my life. But then again I've been afraid of the light most of my life as well. I lived in the dark for a very long time, because I thought it was the safest place to be. Once I started to let the light in on my history, I was afraid of the light, but only for a little while. The more light I let in, the more used to the light I became, and the more light I wanted.
The hard part for me was discovering that some people around me preferred to live in the dark. Each time I opened up to them, to let in light, they pulled away from me. Retreated back into their darkness. So for awhile I tried to live in light and dark. Segueing between the two to accommodate them.
It didn't work for me. Trying to dwell in light and dark simultaneously was like trying to serve two masters -- “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." (Matt. 6:24 NIV). It was cleaving me in two.
So for now I've walked away from those who fear the light. I need to stay in the light to survive. I want them to join me. To feel the warmth on their skin, and the weight lifted from their shoulders. But I can't force them to come with me. I miss them, and I pray for them, and I dream of them joining me.
The light has become my true friend: filling me with joy, overcoming the darkness, and showing me the way. I revel in the light -- being truly seen, having the weight lifted off my shoulders.
linking up with imperfect prose on thursday