One Person at a Time

Write 31 Days #3

Maybe it's just a personal choice, not a one-size-fits-all? Find what works for you and do that, while being kind and compassionate toward ALL. Trying to turn everything into a soundbite or hashtag is part of the problem. Life, Christianity, and politics are multi-layered ideas and issues. Assume the best and treat everyone with respect. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

I wrote these words the other day in response to an article from Patheos.com entitled WWSD (What Would Satan Do): A New Grassroots Movement. 

Then I woke up Monday morning to the news of more violence in Las Vegas. A friend posted about a military aircraft crash in Mississippi. Another about children harmed in Memphis. And I spent the day in divorce mediation.

Things seem quite bleak.

And yet . . .

Jesus told us (and showed us) “'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” (Matt. 22:37-40 The Message)

All I can do is apply Jesus' teaching and example in ALL my interactions with ALL people.

I can't fix this broken world, but I can love it one person at a time.


Blessings!

linking up with Write 31 Days

Gather

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May

It's the first phrase that came to me. 

Today is my birthday. I like the idea of gathering of years of life and experiences. I'm in my fifties, but I don't dread birthdays. I still love them. A day all about me! A day to remember the past year and look forward to the next. 

This year I'm hoping to gather even more rosebuds. Learn more about myself and those I love. Gather in more memories and love to share and savor. 

Tonight I'll gather with some of the people I love best in the world to eat a meal of my choosing. To celebrate me. Tomorrow I will gather with my best friends and celebrate me some more while eating and laughing and talking and crafting. And I'll gather more joy and love to store up to look back on when things are feeling bleak.

Even if it's not your birthday, you don't have to wait to gather up the good things in life. Gather them while we may. 

Savor. Enjoy. Gather.

linking up with Five Minute Friday

Assumptions and Love

Words are important to me. 

Clearly I process much of my information and thoughts by writing about them. Recently I've been working on recognizing the importance of the words "I love you". I've found myself in a dilemma. I was raised in house where those words were rarely uttered. I don't know why. We loved each other, but we just didn't say those words, so I grew up craving them.

My husband was brought up in an environment where his mother loved everyone! She was effusive, perhaps to the point that the words became meaningless. So he grew up wondering what exactly those words meant.

Over the years we've had countless conversations about that phrase. He is analytical. I am emotional. Sometimes this can create a distance between us -- a moat. I need to hear those words AND see them backed up with actions. He craves actions over words to express love. 

It's an interesting balance to work on. My need to hear those words is based in part on my fear of assumptions. Assumptions can be very dangerous things. I can't just assume that someone who has previously been kind, helpful, and loving will continue in that path. My experiences have taught me that people can change on a dime. 

With nearly 29 years of marriage together we still traverse this emotional mind field. But I'm choosing to have faith in those 29 years and all the ways he shows his love. This is a safe assumption. He loves me whether he says as often as I'd like or not.





linking up with Just Write

Thankful Thursday #33

I've written several posts lately about some tough family issues. I've been dealing with the lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse for years, and often I feel that I should be able to put it in the past. What I forget is that the abuse is in the past, but the effects linger long after the final episode is finished.

This week I've found myself on a roller coaster ride of mood swings. I've been happily aware of the wonderful life I have on one day, and deep in depressive despair over the state of extended family relationships on the next.

Yesterday while finishing up my Bible study I ran across this quote from Thomas a Kempis:

Endeavor to be always patient of the faults and imperfections 

of others for you have many faults and imperfections 

of your own that require forbearance. 

If you are not able to make yourself what 

you wish, how can you expect to mold 

another in conformity to your will?

And I wonder how patient I am will the faults and imperfections of others. 

The other day I saw this quote:

Don't judge me because my sin

is different that yours.

It made me stop and think about how frustrated I can become with other people. 

I'm struggling right now to accept some things I'm not going to be able to change, and apparently God's not planning on changing them either. So how do I go about my daily life remembering to be loving toward those whose faults and imperfections I have trouble understanding simply because they are different than mine?

For me it all comes back to love. Verses like Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the Lord your God with all your heart 

and with all your soul and with all your strength.

and Mark 12:29-31:

"The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.”

and James 2:8:

If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your 

neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right.

So today I find myself feeling gratitude for a heavenly Father who gives me constant reminders that His overwhelming desire is that we all love one another. 

And by doing that, I am doing right.

linking up with Grace Alone

Thankful Thursday #19

My life turns on a dime. Sometimes it feels as if the realities of life are taking cues from a roller coaster . . . or maybe a ferris wheel.

Last week I wrote about a baby who wasn't expected to live more than a few days. This week he is still in NICU, but he is still alive and nursing, and doesn't have the predicted genetic disorder. It's a long way way from perfect, but it's an even longer way from certain death. Many people around the world have been praying for this family since the first diagnosis came in several weeks ago. Prayers have been answered, and a family has been given joy.

On Saturday night I learned that a friend from my college days has been diagnosed with stage IV cancer. She's a wonderful person, who has already suffered more than her share of grief. It's hard not to ask "Why?" Her husband is keeping us updated through Caring Bridge, and yesterday I registered with Lotsa Helping Hands to serve her in any way I can. Prayers are requested on her behalf for healing, comfort, and peace, but also for thanksgiving that access to the internet allows us all more connection to help one another.

Monday morning we had to put one of our dogs down. She had surgery in January and had been going downhill since then. Over the weekend she took a significant turn for the worse. She quit eating and began having additional issues. We had a family meeting on Sunday afternoon, and on Monday morning the kids and I took Etta to the vet for her final trip. It was a sad occasion of course, but I am grateful for the love she brought into our lives for more than 12 years. I was so gratified to watch my children handle the process. It is a hard fact of life that the more we love the more we have to lose.

Another trip out of town with my dear husband on Tuesday and Wednesday, and here we are back at Thursday again.

Grief and gratitude. Love and loss. Joy and sorrow. All part of the gift of life.

link up at Women Taking a Stand

Twenty-five Years Already!?!

I don't usually post on Mondays, but this is a really special Monday. Today is our 25th wedding anniversary! First of all, yes I was a child bride! LOL! Actually dh (Alan) is younger than I am. It seems as if it is impossible that we have been married for 25 years. Alan asked last night what the defining moments in our marriage have been. You know, the best, the worst, the most memorable, the ones I'd just as soon forget. It's hard not to get nostalgic when faced with big moments.


This is what I know:
God gave me the opportunity to spend my adult life with Alan.
I would not be the person I am today were it not for Alan.
I have learned more than I have taught in this relationship.
I would not trade a single moment (although, some would've been nicer if I'd had a better understanding of life, myself and Alan).


As far as defining moments:
The obvious moments are moves, childbirth, sicknesses, but for me the defining moments are made up of smaller events.
Alan listening and not hating me when I told him the truth about how I felt about being a preacher's wife. 
Alan being supportive and relieved when I first acknowledged the abuse I suffered as a child. 
Alan laughing when I told him I was afraid he'd leave me. 
Alan making me smile and laugh and helping me learn to trust. 
Alan cheerfully putting up with stuffed animals, kids' music, kids' movies, and LOTS of faeries and hedgehogs!


Finally, the wonderful letter my darling husband wrote and read to me for our anniversary. (I got his permission to share it with you.) Yes we stood in the kitchen and cried, and it was lovely to feel so much love and appreciation from the man who love more than anyone in the world.


Alan, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. You taught me what love really means -- that it's not just a word, it's a state of mind and a lifestyle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

*********

August 23, 2010

Melanie,

It’s been 25 years. Wow. Who’d a thought it would have gone by so fast. Java and Piglet have been gone for what, 10 years. Dd, good happy child to psycho and maybe (hope hope) to responsible, relatively happy adult. Guess I’m just glad there are no grand kids yet. I hope ds will change his mind about that. I bet he will and maybe dd will find someone to be happy with and have us some grand kids...lol.

I thought about getting a cute or funny card but that didn’t seem like it would be all that meaningful (not like this is) but I thought writing a little might be nice. I mean I do write my prison buddy, every week, so I guess I can write you once every 25 years, not that I’m making a promise to stick to that schedule of course, but I did think it might be nice.

First of all, it has been hard sometimes. I do get frustrated about intimacy, about your still thinking I’m going to be mad at you or do something to hurt you but I am very glad that seems to be less frequent and less intense. Of course all the abuse has been very hard on both of us but maybe we’re finally going to start to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am very proud of you for taking time to take care of yourself (eating better and getting more exercise) and I still want you to be able to lose something (I don’t even know how much) but I am starting to believe that being happy and having some fun and doing productive things is a lot more important.

On the up side, its been nice to have a companion to talk to over the years and do things with (from time to time anyway...lol). I hope over the next 25 years, we’ll find more fun things to do and spend less time working through flashbacks and more time finding fun places to walk and people to help along the way.

I don’t know if God has a plan for us but maybe, if we just take it one day at a time and try to do a few good things each day, it will work out OK.

I would like to help you write that book. I would love to go on sabbatical somewhere for 6 months or so where we could get up in the morning and have tea or hot chocolate and sit on the porch swing watching the sun come up over the water (either a lake or ocean would be fine), enjoy cool breezes and sunsets, Bible Study and cribbage. I’m a little tired of the rat race but I think, once we get the house paid off and the kids kicked out (I mean educated) maybe we could do something like that or at least find a little cabin on a lake somewhere.

I don’t know what else I want but I do want to find out with you. You frustrate the heck out of me some days but you know, that’s life. We’ve put in 25 years to try to figure this out and I think, all considered, we're doing pretty good.

I have no idea what the next 25 year will bring but I’m hoping more time with each other, more time helping others and a lot of time visiting with our kids and grand kids. 

Enjoy life. Embrace hope. Fear nothing. Be happy. Love yourself. I love myself but only because I realize the truth. I am made in God’s image for His good works and so are you.

Maybe one day we’ll get a bigger dog like a German Shepherd or maybe not. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we enjoy each day as a gift, do more yoga, talk more, read more, laugh more, have more time together, write more and help others more.

All and all, its been a good 25 years. Maybe, 25 years from now, I’ll be 72 and you’ll be 73 and we’ll have written several kids' books, we’ll have written that novel, we’ll have 4 or 5 grand kids and a nice cabin on the beach were we can have big family reunions. Heck, if we keep doing a little exercise and eating more fiber, maybe we will even make it to 75 years... hope so.

I do love you. I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect but somehow we seem pretty perfect together in our imperfection and that’s good enough for me.

Lot’s of love, happy thoughts, kisses, positive self images and good times ahead.

: >

XOXO

Alan