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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

RemembeRED -- Photograph


I am me. The me I was born to be. Before any of the abuse started, before I knew about evil. When I was just happy. My mother took this photograph. It is the only one she ever took. She said I hummed and sang before I could talk. I was a happy child then, before I became confused. All the things I love surround me in this picture: books, stuffed animals, my circus ball, and a tea set. I was busy, even then, caring for and nurturing others. It is how I learned to nurture myself, I think.

When I look at this picture, I wish that little girl would turn around, so I could see her face – see pure joy. I’d like to warn her that things are about to get very difficult. I’d love to tell her it won’t last forever and a wonderful man will come into her life to help her save herself. But maybe it’s better this way. Let her have those last few months of pure joy – unadulterated by the evil that is to come. Warning her wouldn’t have changed anything, and maybe the knowledge of the wonderful man would have made it harder for her to save herself later. I don’t know.

Some people believe that a photograph can steal your soul. Not me. I believe a photograph – this photograph – saved my soul making it possible for me to retrieve it in due time.



link up at RemembeRED

6 comments:

  1. Oh, this hurts my heart.
    To know that you were on the brink of such a terrible time.
    I wish I could see your face in the photo too...to see that joy.
    I hope that joy is on your face now.

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  2. wow. i have tears now streaming down my face. i looked at the photo for a bit before reading and i saw all the beauty of childhood... i saw my own girl standing and playing without knowing anyone was watching; happy, full of life. so when i read your words... i'm just really overcome by so much sadness now. and i have no clue who you are. but boy am i sorry for what happened after this photo was taken.

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  3. This is heartbreaking and amazing. I often wonder what I would say if I could go back in time and talk to myself right before something bad happened. But I think I'm with you - I think that there's lessons to be learned and there would be no reason to steal some moments of joy before the fall. Well done.

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  4. The 'before' is always so poignant, especially when captured, frozen forever, in a picture. :)

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  5. Heartbreaking. I am glad you had that moment of joy.

    I have a friend who once showed me a picture of himself, and said he didn't even recognize it because it was right before some very bad things happened. I can't even imagine...

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  6. Oh my heart. You opened your soul here. Your words are wise and thoughtful and {I hope} that today your face and heart are feeling the joy that you described here.

    {I'm so very sorry.}

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