My husband said, as we got in the car, "I don't suppose that hit any nerves did it?" (Sarcasm being one of our favorite forms of communication) I smiled and nodded. Yes, it hit a nerve, but it raised that question again.
Religion keeps telling me to see my sin. Confess my sin. Recognize what a wretch I am. But, therapy keeps telling me I am not a bad person, bad things were done to me. I am worthy of love and care, yes, even self care. And I'm not a murderer or a liar or a gossip, but I also know I'm not without sin. So how to balance the two.
That's when he said it, "Sin is anything that draws us away from God." Not what God sees and pushes us away because of what we did (or didn't do). Sin makes us move away from God, because we recognize our unworthiness. I recognize that I am unworthy, but God loves me anyway, and that doesn't have anything to do with being abused and raped. God loves me because I am his child, and he wants me to come closer to him all the time -- when I sin, when I feel unworthy, when I'm having a good day, when I'm mad and can't figure out why I'm mad. When I feel beautiful or when I feel fat and ugly. God wants me all the time. God wants me even when I don't want myself. Because I am his beloved.
Taking care of me is another way of letting God take care of me. So that nice long soak in the tub, surrounded by candles and music? That's God giving me a hug, and telling me it will be all right. That nap I took yesterday instead of doing all those things I thought had to be done? That was God, tucking me in and saying, "Rest a while." And he gives me those things because he loves me, and he feels my hurt, and he's not angry with me that it still hurts. He wants me to feel better about me because he knows who I really am, and he likes me and wants me to like myself.
linking up with A Dare to Love Yourself
Dear Melanie
ReplyDeleteAmen for religion telling us what useless excuses for humans we are. I had to escape that terrible trap, before I was ever able to love myself, my Pappa God and others. Allowing Him to love me and to envelope me in His grace is my way of loving myself. Over via Emily's.
Much love XX
Mia
Beautiful thought. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteOver via Emily's, as well.
Taking care of me is another way of letting God take care of me. So that nice long soak in the tub, surrounded by candles and music? That's God giving me a hug, and telling me it will be all right.
ReplyDeleteWell, I just couldn't have said it better myself, Melanie. This is it, exactly. I can feel God smiling down on you friend.
"God wants me even when I don't want myself."
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! Every word you wrote was beautiful. Thank you for your heart.
Also here via Emily's.