Friday, September 28, 2012

Grasp

grasp -- seize, clutch, embrace, understand

i listen as the therapist explains, again, this concept of dissociation.
i lean in to make sure i am absorbing every word she says.
i know in my head the purpose and cause of dissociation.
i know as a child in a horrible situation it was a good thing.
it provided protection, self-preservation, sanity.
but sometimes the messages from the past get mixed up with the truth of the present.
they said, you are a liar . . . no one will believe you.
does that mean i can't believe myself?
i know what is true. i know what happened.
i know that i was in that study with that man doing horrible, terrifying, painful things to my body.
i know that my mind chose to escape my body and go to a place of safety to wait until he was finished with my body.
i know imagery is often used to soothe adults in stressful times.
i am amazed that as a child i could use a similar technique with no guidance or instruction.
i listen to the therapist explain, again, the benefit that dissociation provided then.
i seize. i clutch. i want to embrace, to understand.
i grasp.





9 comments:

  1. Melanie, Thank you for sharing such an honest reflection with us today. I do pray God will help you to grasp his great love for you and that in your seeking to understand, he will be tender and sweet with you. Your grasping is beautiful. Thank you for being so brave!

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  2. Appreciate your honest heart, praying for you.

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  3. Powerful piece. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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  4. Wisdom, grace and strength to you, child of God.

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  5. A moving piece. Even the i being lower case speaks volumes here.

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  6. I am sorry for what you've endured, and I, too, think it is amazing how protection can come for us even when we don't even know to ask for it. Thank you for being brave and honest enough to share. There is healing in the sharing.

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  7. Disassociation is a very, very real thing. I believe God is well able to heal even your painful past and use you to help heal others.

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  8. Thank so much for sharing this piece; may God guide you on this journey as you heal and grasp an understanding of what has happened to you.

    Stopping by from Write on Edge weekend link up

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