In-between feeling capable, competent, healed, and feeling sluggish, dull, broken.
The long haul of trudging through the muck and mire of the past is ending, I think. I'm proud of the work I've done.
But (oh that word!) healing isn't looking or feeling like I thought it would. Sometimes. I'm a perfectionist at heart. I want all or nothing. Black or white. I'm not good at intermediates. And healing/recovery is an in-between state. The bad isn't gone and it's not good all the time. The bad slips back in sometimes -- usually when I least expect it -- and I fall back into old patterns of self denigration.
But here's the thing, this world, this life, is an in-between. This world is not my home, I'm just a-passin' through. So there are no absolutes here; no perfection.
I'm learning to embrace the in-between of now, and not push it away.
Because it's just a stepping stone toward home.
linking up with Five Minute Friday
I love the reminder that we are living in the in-between... such a great and hopeful post!
ReplyDeleteI am with you. Learning how to accept the in between places. It is super hard, but this is the place that keeps me clinging to Christ.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I like Steven Curtis Chapman's "Long Way Home." Same sentiment.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p-QfgkLow&list=ALGLx1orRGw4Ud3BuXsVdoAkIs5DrodnpL
Dear sweet Melanie
ReplyDeleteI think that perfectionism is a result of the abuse you went through as a child. The lady, Karen, who has linked-up at no 35 has also been sexually abused as a child if you want to visit her blog perhaps!
Blessings
Mia
Definitely a result for the abuse. Satan uses it daily against me. Thanks for the head's up on #35. I'll check it out.
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