Fall

I spent a lot of years stumbling around in the dark. I thought I was in the light. I was doing everything I'd been told to do to have a good life. I'd married a good Christian man. We went to church regularly. We were involved in our congregation -- helping others, teaching classes, opening our home. 

We moved back to our home town. We had a baby. She was perfect in every way. We bought a house. We were doing everything I'd been told would make everything perfect. But it wasn't.

So it must have been me. I just couldn't be satisfied. I expected too much. I wouldn't let myself be happy.

Really the problem was I'd fallen prey to the abuse years before. I'd tucked it away to pretend it didn't happen, but it was coloring everything I thought, said, did, touched, and believed.

So eventually I fell apart. 

And that's when things began to get better. I stumbled out of the darkness of lies and "shoulds", and into the light of truth and love. I fell prey to God, and turned it all over to him. I leaned on him as I worked through the muck and mire of the abuse.

Falling felt good this time. I guess it all depends on where you land.

linking up with Five Minute Friday