the worst is maybe not what was done but what wasn't done and what was said. my father's response to two different episodes: "boys will be boys, so you were right to not tell us" and regarding the student, "I can't believe he would be so disrespectful of me". my mother's initial response not to my pain, but what about the rapist's wife. my parents' ability to tell me they just chose not to think about the information after I told them some of the abuse. they were going on vacation and didn't want their trip ruined. their ability to remain in close contact with one of the abusers.
as Laurie Colwin wrote: "She had a picture of the way things should pleasantly be, and she edited reality heavily to make it so."
other people editing my reality -- my worst memory.
link up at RemembeRED
I know the feeling that comes over me as I contemplate and maybe start to write out some of the worst pain. Its just like you describe.
ReplyDeleteThe invalidation, other people's editing of your reality... yes, that is the most painful of all. Salt in the wound, and words echoing in your head.
*HUG* Im going to subscribe to your blog, I dont think I have, and you are someone I should know.
Wow. I don't even know what to say. Other than I hope I never edit someone else's pain for my own needs.
ReplyDelete