It's taken a long time. This learning it's okay to say what I want and how I feel. The abuse taught me early on that it didn't matter what I wanted. I didn't matter. Those feelings were reinforced living in an environment with people who didn't recognize the abuse.
Over the past 14 years I've talked and written. I've cried and cursed. I've prayed and appeased. I've made world's of progress. I'm still not where I want to be or think I should be.
I'm hard on myself. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that. I'm so afraid that someone else will think I'm not doing enough that I don't respect and honor my own wants and wishes. Or talents and skills. I don't see myself as valuable.
Slowly, I'm developing an appreciation for myself. Negating the idea that everything in the world is an "either/or" proposition. People are different. We all have different likes, dislikes, skills, and talents. I'm not right and you're not wrong. We're just different.
It's taken a long time, but that's okay.