Thursday, October 16, 2014


I like routine. I've said it a thousand times.

Routine makes me believe I am safe. There is a plan and I have chosen accordingly. Nothing will go wrong.

Lord, what fools we mortals are!

Just because it's written on a a piece of paper or tapped into my iPhone calendar, doesn't make it so. God wrote commandments in stone, and we all know how well that worked out!

But I continue to think that if I just make a plan and stick with it everything will come up roses.

Let's be clear, I'm not complaining about my life, and these are clearly first world problems. I have a roof, electricity, running water. No one is sick (well, ok I've got a sinus infection, but it's not ebola!), and everyone is still speaking to each other. Things are just a bit disorganized and discombobulated for a variety of pretty good reasons. 

Unfortunately this is when "black and white girl" shows up in my head. Things are either right or wrong -- black or white -- there is no middle ground for this girl. Yet I am the first person to tell anyone else to just "roll with it". I believe that to be true, but I still have a really difficult time applying the concept to myself. I assume everyone else around me is mad and thinking terrible things (usually about me), and I begin to function as if those assumptions are accurate. 

Attempting mind reading is always a dangerous pursuit, but especially so when I'm functioning on minimal sleep filled with steroid induced dreams.

So I'm re-evaluating (again) today. Making that very basic list, and giving myself permission to take it slow and easy until this infection clears up. 

Adjust. Oops this was supposed to be a 5 minute post.

linking up with 31 Days of Writing


  1. I do that too sometimes. Rolling with life interruptions with grace is hard. It is funny that I visited you first. Yesterday all of the first world problems happened at once, and I was tempted to stress about it because things were not going to plan. :) I have no idea why things shake out the way they do sometimes, but regardless, His grace is sufficient, and we gotta give some to ourselves. Thanks for this post.

  2. I am a worrier and I LOVE to make lists. I can relate to your post so much. Sometimes I need to step back and stop being such a perfectionist!

  3. I hope you get well soon as sinus infections are no fun!
    It is more than okay to follow "just" your basic to-do list. Our lists are there to guide us not rule over us. I am talking to myself on this one too.

  4. Sinus infections are no fun - hope yours clears up soon.

    I continually have to work on balance between structure and flexibility. Too much structure makes me feel I can't breathe, but not enough and I don't get anything done. I can get upset when I DO make plans and then they're upended, but that's life, and I have to learn to go with the flow.

  5. Hope you're feeling better soon. I'm glad that you took time anyway to share with us. I tend to be very structured but I'm slowly learning to be a grace-receiver, not a grace-achiever.

  6. I constantly have to remind myself that people are not thinking about me nearly as much as I fear. And if they are, its probably not in a critical way.


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