Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Ramblings of a Disorganized Blogger


I write about my life here. I don't do much in the way of planning. I tend to sit down and start writing. 

I've struggled at times over how much detail to share of the abuse I went through. I've struggled over sharing other family members' information and issues. The one line I've truly tried to honor is my marriage. I only talk about the good stuff where my husband is concerned. I think that's a good plan, as I certainly wouldn't want him talking about all the things that I do that frustrate him to a bunch of strangers on the internet.

That being said, when my marriage is going through stuff it can be difficult to write without feeling as if I'm being inauthentic. I've always had a problem with full disclosure and lying/keeping secrets. On some level I believe that if I don't tell everything, I've lied. If I don't provide you with all the facts (evidence) then you can't make a fair assessment (judgment) of the situation. Of course all of that assumes I looking to you for validation, judgment, and/or approval. Which unfortunately I probably am.

Because ultimately it all comes back to trusting myself. My impressions. The idea that I must have misread the abusers because otherwise I would have known to stay out of their reach. Clearly a 5 year old has the skill and capability to read the nuances of a pedophile and remove themselves from harm's way. Right?

And that paragraph is why I write. Because it is in the writing it out that I see and understand the flaws in my reasoning. Flaws that were embedded by the abusers and the abuse. 

I think it's that way for most people whether they were abused or not. We all benefit from writing down ideas, concepts, and beliefs. It forces us to carry thoughts through to the logical conclusion, and often it's not until the very end of the process that we see the flaw in the logic.

So I write -- with little or no plan. Mostly to get the thoughts out. But I write in a public forum because I need input and responses, and I need to believe that I'm doing this out of more than just selfish motives.


linking up with 31 Days of Writing


3 comments:

  1. I write like you do. I do my best to honor my husband and marriage. And there is one piece of information about me that is not out in public because it could truly deeply hurt some family members. Other than that, if I can't be authentic, then what's the point? Oftentimes, it is in the writing of a blog post, just pouring out the feelings and thoughts, that solutions or new perceptions of a given situation come to me.

    Thanks for sharing. I really like your blog!

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  2. I am a non-planner when it comes to my writing, too. And how much to share is definitely something that has been on my mind! (I was thinking of writing about it after October is up!). In the end, I realize how much the honesty of others is so refreshing, how can I not offer that to my own readers?

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  3. I am mostly a non-planner, although given that my 31 Days topic is a kind of narrative, I have found myself planning which parts of the story to tell next. How I tell each part of the story is another thing entirely. I completely agree with you that writing things all out helps you to see the flaws in your logic and thinking. As the victim of emotional abuse, I understand this very well. You've given me some good things to think about in this post. Thanks!

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