RemembeRED -- Mentor

men·tor  [men-tawr, -ter]  

noun

1. a wise and trusted counselor or teacher

2. an influential senior sponsor or supporter

A mentor. It sounds like a lovely idea to have one. It sounds quite daunting to be one. I’ve never had an “official” mentor in the pre-arranged sense, but I’ve had a series of lovely women (and a few men) who have influenced me positively over the years.
When I went back to work in 2003, I went to work with three other reference librarians. All of them were wonderful, and we used to joke that going to work was more like going to group therapy.
I connected with one of the ladies in particular – in a maternal way. She was kind, positive, and just lovely, but totally real and honest. Over time I came to see her as an advisor, a comforter, a friend, and a surrogate mother.
She too had suffered difficulties (as I write this, I realize how silly it sounds. Who hasn’t suffered?) A son lost to a terrible disease. A divorce. An estrangement from one daughter. Through it all she remained centered. Now I met her after the fact, so my view is not necessarily accurate. The appealing thing to me was that she had survived.
During the time that our paths crossed regularly, another daughter was diagnosed as schizophrenic. The lovely lady showed me what real maternal love looks like. She did all that she could to help her daughter. Making trips out of state regularly to check on her daughter. Sending money, buying groceries, cleaning the house, even mowing her daughter’s grass. It was a revelation to me. She did it without complaint. Yes, she was tired. Yes, she was emotionally worn out. Yes, she needed a break, but mostly she loved her daughter.
Time passes and things change. My contact with her is mostly via email and Christmas cards now. I miss our regular chats and funny interactions, but life as taken twists and turns for both of us.
She may not realize what she did for me during those few years we worked together, but I hope she does. I tried to express it to her on many occasions.
Lovely, that’s the word I always think of when I think of her.
I don’t know if she realized what she was doing for me at the time. I know I didn’t. What I do know is that I am a better person, wife, mother, friend, and worker than I was before I met her. And isn’t that the point? 


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