This morning I got curious. When was the first time I participated in Write 31 Days? Turns out it was 2012. I had seen posts about it by Lisa-Jo Baker and Ann Voskamp and it made me curious.
I'd been blogging sporadically for 3 years and wanted to do more, but I needed some structure. So I set off on my first #write31days.
That year I made it all the way through. Other years haven't gone as well. So far this year I've made it 18 days and I have a few plans for the rest of the month. Plans! I NEVER make plans where my blog is concerned. It's as if it will jinx it somehow. The big bad out there in the universe will see that I'm feeling competent and come in and snatch the rug out from under me!
I decided to share that first #write31days post from 2012 today because as I reread it I was pleased to see that I liked what I read. It was authentic. It was real. It was me. And that's the greatest gift blogging has provided. It's helped me realize I am really am the person who has all those quirky and squirrely thoughts in her head. And that's okay. But it's also made me curious to read about other people's lives and struggles. To connect by realizing that no one has it all together. And that's okay, too.
Day #1 (2012)--
I'm eclectic. Anyone who's read my blog for any length of time knows that. I'm also insecure and full of self-doubt, but at the same time I am driven to write. I argue that it is to clear my own head, and that is true. But what is also true, is that I crave validation. Maybe everyone does. My need goes back to an abusive childhood where I was constantly denigrated. I want to trust in my own belief that I am a person of value. (All people have value because we are all made in God's image.) I know in my head that it is a good thing to share and talk and wonder, but my heart has difficulty following. I know others don't have it all together, but I have difficulty retaining that concept.
I started out by saying I'm eclectic. And I am, in decor and music and books and movies. But I'm also eclectic in emotion -- I was raised in the Bible belt and have the emotions and convictions of my conservative history. I was abused emotionally, physically, and sexually by numerous individuals, so I have all of the baggage that implies. But I have a master's degree and was raised by a minister/American literature professor who quoted Mark Twain more than scripture. I love to cook and crochet and read and watch crime shows and independent films. I like k.d. lang, Evanescence, Michael Buble, and James Taylor.
So what does this tell you about me and why does it matter?
It matters because I need to feel that I matter to someone out there. That the abuser was wrong when she said she could drown me in the well and no one would even miss me.
It matters because I need to feel that I matter to someone out there. That the abuser was wrong when she said she could drown me in the well and no one would even miss me.
Would you miss me?
Blessings!
You got me curious too. I will have to go back and look when I officially began blogging.
ReplyDeletehow sad! how truly abusive that person was...to tell you, you would never be missed! horrible.
ReplyDeleteI did miss you when you went underground for a year. I'd miss you again if you left our group! xo
ReplyDeleteLook how far you have come. We would defiantly miss you. Happy that you made it to do 18 almost done! My first year was 2014, I was a new blogger and thought it was crazy, but I was intrigued.
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