Since Friday, I've really been thinking about the plot twist I'm dealing with now. That idea has provided me with a jumping off place for organizing the changes going on in my life.
Church has been an unexpected struggle. I didn't see that one coming. I've never done "church" on my own. After moving across town last year, I've been trying to get into a routine with church attendance. When you've never gone to church by yourself regularly, it can be daunting to walk into a new place all alone. People tend to be welcoming, but I find myself revealing more than I want to. "Are you a visitor?" "What brings you here today?" My pat answer became, "I've recently moved to the area and am looking for a new home church." Of course, that leads to "Where are you from?' Which leads to "Another neighborhood in the city -- 20 minutes away". And the question hangs there. I wonder where she used to attend? I wonder why she left? Sometimes those questions are verbalized and then I have to man up and say "I'm getting a divorce". Not a fun opening especially in a church setting.
I am an introvert. I didn't plan on getting a divorce after 32 years of marriage. I'm still learning who I am in this incarnation. I don't know what's happening this afternoon, let alone next week. There is just so much that I don't know, and I wasn't prepared to deal with how hard getting to church was going to be and all the guilt I'd heap on myself when I don't get there.
So, like everything else, I'm taking it one day at a time (sometimes 1 minute at a time!) and turning to God constantly to quiet my own accusing voice in my head. He understands where I am and what I need. He does know what's happening this afternoon, next week, and for the rest of my life. I'm talking to him about it and trusting he'll guide me to the right place at the right time.
Blessings!
I went through similar things when I divorced my now late husband more than 16 years ago. God did not leave me through this time, and He will not leave you. God bless and thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeletethere is no question, this may make it difficult finding a church. perseverence will bring you to the place that bring some comfort, new friends, and GOD's Word to comfort and encourage you each week. finding a new church isn't easy for many reasons. for an introvert, it is even more difficult, but it is worth the effort. take it slow. in fairness, it is probably bess to give more places two tries...especially if the main pastor isn't there or if it is an off sunday.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard enough to find a church when you're not alone. But God will be with you. I'm sorry about the divorce. It must be really hard after 32 years. I pray God will be close to you and give you comfort and strength. Blessings!
ReplyDelete