The Gift of Listening

Write 31 Days Day #10

I need a lot of validation. Perhaps it's part of my basic make-up. Certainly, it has been exacerbated by the abuse I experienced. For a very long time, I believed I was alone in this need. Not surprisingly, I find I am not.

As humans, we all want to belong, be accepted, loved, understood, and appreciated. We all crave it so badly that we often forget it's a two-way street.

I've been reading Never Unfriended by Lisa-Jo Baker as part of my morning devotional. I really can't recommend it highly enough. She and I are opposite sides of the same coin, so it's been especially good for me to read from her perspective. I am introverted and process things by writing or thinking them through. She is all about the talking. 

One similar trait that has surprised me, is how difficult listening can be. For her, it's about needing to make comparisons to her own experiences or trying to fix the other's problems. While for me, it's about needing to be constantly reassured that I am understood. That the listener doesn't think I'm crazy and isn't lying to me when they say they believe me. 

For years I've used the phrase "compassionate witnesses" to describe those who have listened to my experiences. I've worked to become a better listener myself -- quieting the need to insert ME into every scenario. I used to believe that need was a result of self-centeredness, but I am beginning to understand it's actually the result of humanness. We all see the world and other's experiences through our own lens. How else could we see things? The goal is learning to get outside of ourselves and just see the other person. Not fix them. Not analyze them. Just love them. 

It's hard to love someone when you aren't listening to them. When you're constantly making assumptions and transferring your own issues onto another you can't truly see them for who they really are.

I want compassionate witnesses in my life. But more and more, I'm desiring to be a compassionate witness for others. 

". . . listening is the most powerful gift we can give . . ."

-- Lisa-Jo Baker

Blessings!