Wounds

"The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body; after all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind." 

-- French writer François de la Rochefoucauld

I've been thinking about scars lately. Recently I went to the doctor about some pain I was having in my foot. As she examined me, she asked about a scar on the top of my foot. I told her it was from surgery I'd had 6 or more years ago.

I rarely think about that scar anymore. Just after the surgery, while my foot was healing, I thought about it a lot. I was fascinated and repelled by it. Fascinated to think that a surgeon had cut into my foot and removed a growth that was causing me pain, and fascinated watching the healing take place. But repelled by how horrible it looked, even though I was going to feel so much better when it was healed. 

I have scars and wounds on my physical body, and I have scars and wounds on my emotional being. In many ways they require the same kind of care to heal. The scars from the emotional wounds may not be visible to others , but they are just as real, and usually much more painful for me. 

Healing is a process. It takes time and is never a straight trajectory. I forget that over and over again. But I also forget that my wounds don't really make me different from others. Everyone has wounds. They vary in intensity and frequency, but we all have battle scars that we carry around with us. 

It's taken me a long time to be able to look at my scars and not wince, or worse yet, feel responsible for them. I have good days and bad days. Unfortunately, lately there have been more bad days. But I hope I'm turning a corner. Again. 

This morning I'm trying another something new. Making some choices just for me without worrying about how others will perceive them. Little things, really, but big choices if I make them based on my on wants and wishes. And I'm reminding myself about that list as well.

Peace and blessings.

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