Twenty-five Years Already!?!

I don't usually post on Mondays, but this is a really special Monday. Today is our 25th wedding anniversary! First of all, yes I was a child bride! LOL! Actually dh (Alan) is younger than I am. It seems as if it is impossible that we have been married for 25 years. Alan asked last night what the defining moments in our marriage have been. You know, the best, the worst, the most memorable, the ones I'd just as soon forget. It's hard not to get nostalgic when faced with big moments.


This is what I know:
God gave me the opportunity to spend my adult life with Alan.
I would not be the person I am today were it not for Alan.
I have learned more than I have taught in this relationship.
I would not trade a single moment (although, some would've been nicer if I'd had a better understanding of life, myself and Alan).


As far as defining moments:
The obvious moments are moves, childbirth, sicknesses, but for me the defining moments are made up of smaller events.
Alan listening and not hating me when I told him the truth about how I felt about being a preacher's wife. 
Alan being supportive and relieved when I first acknowledged the abuse I suffered as a child. 
Alan laughing when I told him I was afraid he'd leave me. 
Alan making me smile and laugh and helping me learn to trust. 
Alan cheerfully putting up with stuffed animals, kids' music, kids' movies, and LOTS of faeries and hedgehogs!


Finally, the wonderful letter my darling husband wrote and read to me for our anniversary. (I got his permission to share it with you.) Yes we stood in the kitchen and cried, and it was lovely to feel so much love and appreciation from the man who love more than anyone in the world.


Alan, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. You taught me what love really means -- that it's not just a word, it's a state of mind and a lifestyle. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

*********

August 23, 2010

Melanie,

It’s been 25 years. Wow. Who’d a thought it would have gone by so fast. Java and Piglet have been gone for what, 10 years. Dd, good happy child to psycho and maybe (hope hope) to responsible, relatively happy adult. Guess I’m just glad there are no grand kids yet. I hope ds will change his mind about that. I bet he will and maybe dd will find someone to be happy with and have us some grand kids...lol.

I thought about getting a cute or funny card but that didn’t seem like it would be all that meaningful (not like this is) but I thought writing a little might be nice. I mean I do write my prison buddy, every week, so I guess I can write you once every 25 years, not that I’m making a promise to stick to that schedule of course, but I did think it might be nice.

First of all, it has been hard sometimes. I do get frustrated about intimacy, about your still thinking I’m going to be mad at you or do something to hurt you but I am very glad that seems to be less frequent and less intense. Of course all the abuse has been very hard on both of us but maybe we’re finally going to start to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am very proud of you for taking time to take care of yourself (eating better and getting more exercise) and I still want you to be able to lose something (I don’t even know how much) but I am starting to believe that being happy and having some fun and doing productive things is a lot more important.

On the up side, its been nice to have a companion to talk to over the years and do things with (from time to time anyway...lol). I hope over the next 25 years, we’ll find more fun things to do and spend less time working through flashbacks and more time finding fun places to walk and people to help along the way.

I don’t know if God has a plan for us but maybe, if we just take it one day at a time and try to do a few good things each day, it will work out OK.

I would like to help you write that book. I would love to go on sabbatical somewhere for 6 months or so where we could get up in the morning and have tea or hot chocolate and sit on the porch swing watching the sun come up over the water (either a lake or ocean would be fine), enjoy cool breezes and sunsets, Bible Study and cribbage. I’m a little tired of the rat race but I think, once we get the house paid off and the kids kicked out (I mean educated) maybe we could do something like that or at least find a little cabin on a lake somewhere.

I don’t know what else I want but I do want to find out with you. You frustrate the heck out of me some days but you know, that’s life. We’ve put in 25 years to try to figure this out and I think, all considered, we're doing pretty good.

I have no idea what the next 25 year will bring but I’m hoping more time with each other, more time helping others and a lot of time visiting with our kids and grand kids. 

Enjoy life. Embrace hope. Fear nothing. Be happy. Love yourself. I love myself but only because I realize the truth. I am made in God’s image for His good works and so are you.

Maybe one day we’ll get a bigger dog like a German Shepherd or maybe not. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we enjoy each day as a gift, do more yoga, talk more, read more, laugh more, have more time together, write more and help others more.

All and all, its been a good 25 years. Maybe, 25 years from now, I’ll be 72 and you’ll be 73 and we’ll have written several kids' books, we’ll have written that novel, we’ll have 4 or 5 grand kids and a nice cabin on the beach were we can have big family reunions. Heck, if we keep doing a little exercise and eating more fiber, maybe we will even make it to 75 years... hope so.

I do love you. I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect but somehow we seem pretty perfect together in our imperfection and that’s good enough for me.

Lot’s of love, happy thoughts, kisses, positive self images and good times ahead.

: >

XOXO

Alan