She steeled herself as she went to the door. “I can’t do this right now.”
“You’re going to let us in right this minute,” her father replied in his stern, brook no argument voice. Her mother stood, literally, wringing her hands, as if this was no fault of hers.
Mel caved. She didn’t invite them to sit down. She was having trouble breathing; her thoughts were a blur.
They were angry. Mel knew that anger was bad. How could she stand up to them? It was such a risk to try and tell them how she really felt. They never understood the pain she was suffering. They had been no help then, during the awfulness, and they were less help now. Their expectations and confusion were exhausting.
In a panic driven tone, her mother explained how hurt they were. What Mel owed them. That Mel couldn’t say these things; couldn’t ask for space and time to heal. It wasn’t fair to them. As she railed, Mel’s mother kept backing her into a corner. The thought rushed in that Mel was going to have to throw her own parents out of her house to keep from losing her mind, and to protect her son from the fallout.
Mel took a deep breath and said, “I need you to leave. I can’t do this right now. I have a sick child to care for.” She sounded so calm and in control!
They turned and walked out. She watched them leave as the snow began to fall.
read more or link up at Red Writing Hood
I really liked the second-to-last paragraph, where Mel surprises herself by getting it together. I felt like, even in a short space, she had grown from the panicked giver-inner who opened the door.
ReplyDeleteIf you'd had more than 300 words, I would have loved to have seen more dialogue in the rest of the body, to get a stronger sense of how Mel interacted with these people. I felt comfortable not knowing what it was, precisely, that gave her so much pain, but I wanted to see it played out a little more. (Like I said - if you had more space :)).
(I found you from the Red Writing Hood Link.)
I can feel the tension here, and I am glad Mel was able to stand up for herself. I will admit to be a little confused about the exact dynamic and why their relationship is so strained.
ReplyDeleteOh, I really want to read more of this story and find out what is going on. You really drew me in - well done!
ReplyDeletepoor Mel - sounds like shes having one of those... years, really. for some reason,your piece reminded me of the post by tiarasandtrucks.blogspot.com... like maybe this character is that nameless character after having made her escape from an abusive situation, and her family doesn't 'get' why she would leave her husband
ReplyDeleteGood for Mel, it took quite a lot to be able to do what she did... we get a lot of strength when it comes to protecting our children, don't we? Well done!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the circumstances driving this exchange - they must be truly dire.
ReplyDeleteI thought the tone of this was strong, expecially when Mel finally asserts herself. The exclamatory phrase following it took away from her strength for me, though. I wanted her words to stand for themselves.
Perhaps there's a way to show how impressed she is with herself instead of telling?
You almost want to say in a ghost story voice: "Get. OUT."
ReplyDeleteThe drama was well done..I am curious as to what the back story is!