Monday, October 1, 2012

31 Days

Two of the blogs I read regularly are doing it. And I wonder about the benefit of following suit, all the while wondering about the topic to pick. Abuse? Recovery? Relationships? God?
I talked with my husband yesterday about the difference between whining and talking through difficult things. I'm still a little foggy, but it's becoming clearer I think.
So what could I write about every day for the next 31 days that would benefit both you and me? 
Maybe the answer is, whatever comes to mind on any given day. Lisa-Jo is writing about her life as a writer. Ann Voskamp is writing about crazy joy.
I can't make any guarantees about what will happen, but I'm going to share for the next 31 days. 
Buckle up, it could be a very bumpy ride.

Day #1 --
I'm eclectic. Anyone who's read my blog for any length of time knows that. I'm also insecure and full of self-doubt, but at the same time I am driven to write. I argue that it is to clear my own head, and that is true. But what is also true, is that I crave validation. Maybe everyone does. My need goes back to an abusive childhood where I was constantly denigrated. I want to trust in my own belief that I am a person of value. (All people have value because we are all made in God's image.) I know in my head that it is a good thing to share and talk and wonder, but my heart has difficulty following. I know others don't have it all together, but I have difficulty retaining that concept.

I started out by saying I'm eclectic. And I am, in decor and music and books and movies. But I'm also eclectic in emotion -- I was raised in the Bible belt and have the emotions and convictions of my conservative history. I was abused emotionally, physically, and sexually by numerous individuals, so I have all of the baggage that implies. But I have a master's degree and was raised by a minister/American literature professor who quoted Mark Twain more than scripture. I love to cook and crochet and read and watch crime shows and independent films. I like k.d. lang, Evanescence, Michael Buble, and James Taylor.

So what does this tell you about me and why does it matter?
It matters because I need to feel that I matter to someone out there. That the abuser was wrong when she said she could drown me in the well and no one would even miss me.
Would you miss me?

linking up with Lisa-Jo and Ann Voskamp


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