I always wanted to belong. But belonging requires trust, acceptance, and honesty. I never felt those things growing up.
Everywhere I went, whether it was church, school, or even with my family, I felt as if I were an outsider. At church I was outside because I had questions that seemed inappropriate. At school I could never figure out what group fit me. At home the closest I came to feeling I belonged was if I toed the party line and never rocked the boat. I was the good child.
Abuse does lots of terrible things to a person, but perhaps one of the worst is taking away that sense of belonging. I longed to be attached to others. To be bound by birth or allegiance.
When I met my husband I wanted to belong with him. Sometimes I felt it, but I was still busy keeping up my armor. It took 15 years of marriage and 2 kids for that armor to fall. And I am so glad it did. Letting him see the real me, and have him accept me as I was, made it possible to rethink belonging to God, and open myself up to others I could trust.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on belonging. I really enjoyed reading your last paragraph. It is so hard letting that armor down, but it is also so worth it. Have a blessed weekend. Stopping by from Five Minute Friday.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jo Rose. Both for stopping by and the lovely comment. Blessings to you and yours.
DeleteHi Melanie! I am here from FMF.
ReplyDeleteWhat a heart-felt reflection on 'Belonging.' I can certainly relate to your feelings of being outside, because who doesn't long to be in? I wrote that we were all created for community, so I am glad you have found that with your husband and family.
And you have your blogging community too, don't forget that :)
Happy Friday,
Ceil
Thank you for visiting my blog! I am happy to 'join' yours...then we can be blog-buddies!
ReplyDeleteLove, Ceil
enjoyed your thoughts.
ReplyDelete