Hummingbirds and Validation

I'm sitting looking out of my front window, watching the hummingbirds swirl around the feeder. I wonder why they fuss and run each other off when there is plenty to go around. There are four feeding stations, but only one will land at a time and if another tries to land there is a power struggle with both flying to chase the other away. Which of course means no one gets to eat.

And I'm remembering dreams from last night. Dreams that are not reality, but it's obvious where reality intersects. The struggle for acceptance and inclusion. And that constant grasping can sometimes mean no one gets their needs met. So I laugh at the hummingbirds, and try to see myself in their dance.

I've been dancing as fast as I can for most of my life -- and not in a good way. The dance to be accepted, appreciated, validated, understood. Always looking for those things in someone else's eyes. If I can just get it right, they'll validate me, right? So if they don't validate me, it's my fault. And therein lies the flaw. The lie. That validation has to come from someone other than me. Someone other than God. 

I was validated the minute Christ let himself be put on the cross. I was validated when God created me. My validation is not and has never been about anything I do or don't do, or about anything that was done to me. My validation is that I am a child of God. Grafted into his family by the gift of Christ's blood.

But . . . 

“When I used to talk about myself or my abuse, I heard a familiar accusation: ‘You just want attention’. Those words echoed from my childhood. My parents’ dismissal told me I was undeserving of attention and I should be ashamed for asking for it. As time passed, anytime I ever got attention, instead of feeling validation, I felt guilt. I was “wasting someone’s time” since I was a waste of time. Once I dealt with the origin of that belief and the shame, I could enjoy attention without the accusations.” -- Christina Enevoldsen

Oh yes, I have been there for so long. I want to reach that place Enevoldsen talks about. That place where I can enjoy attention without feeling I've done something wrong. Because we all want attention, acceptance, validation. It's who we are to want to feel loved and important. And every child deserves that. 

So for today I'm going to work on remembering the hummingbirds, and the notion that there is plenty of love and acceptance and validation to go around, so it's okay for me take hold of my portion. It's mine, and I'm not keeping anyone else from getting their portion.

linking up with imperfect prose