Nyctophobia

When I was little I was afraid of the dark. This is a fairly common fear for most children. I have no idea when I started being afraid of the dark, but I do know until I got married I had to have a nightlight of some sort to be able to sleep. By the time I was in high school it meant leaving the hall light on all night. The argument could be made that this was in case I had to get up in the middle of the night to pee, but that wasn't the reason, because I was so afraid of the dark I wasn't getting up for anything short of throwing up!

After my husband and I married, it became quickly apparent that his ancestors were cave dwellers, and so I learned to snuggle close to him and close my eyes, hoping that he would intervene with any monsters or intruders lurking in the dark. I acclimated pretty well, but returned to the hall/bathroom/living room light scenario once children were born -- you know so I wouldn't stumble and fall taking care of said children. But mostly it was just a relief to have some light again. My kids were the only thing that could ever get me out of bed in the night without fail. That maternal instinct really kicked in overcoming my latent fear.

Now the kids are grown, and recently husband and I went away for the weekend. He wanted to take a stroll around the garden of the inn -- at night. I agreed, grudgingly, but quickly became panicky. He apologized and returned me to a lighted area. Last weekend I went away for the weekend myself and tried the dark room, quickly discovering that the bathroom light left on with the door ajar was a good idea. As was propping the desk chair in front of the door. (Did I mention I was staying at a retreat center run by the Catholic Diocese of Memphis?)

So in answer to the question -- yes I am still afraid of the dark. Which explains all the flashlights and candles in my house. Don't judge.




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