Validation is a huge part of recovery. Initially I sought validation from others. I tried talking with family members -- checking their memories of events. Any time they remembered even a small piece of the puzzle it helped me have a little more faith in my own memories. Validation = To establish the soundness of; corroborate. Synonyms --confirm.
So when my sister remembered the night I threw up at my cousin's house, it helped. When my dad volunteered that his uncle's whiskey of choice was Jack Daniels, it helped. When my mother suggested the name of an abuser I could only describe, it helped.
But validation comes in other forms as well. When I called and emailed the girlfriend of one abuser, and she wouldn't respond to me, my counselor showed me the validation in that. I figured she just didn't remember me. His take was different. Maybe I had scared the s**t out of her, because she thought I was going to "out" her.
Ultimately, validation, has to come from myself. I can't spend my whole life waiting for someone else to confirm my own memories for me. Validation is about trusting myself. Trusting my memories. Trusting my motivations.
It's a long and curving road to that level of validation. I'm further down that road than I used to be, but I can quite see the end just yet.
linking up with Writer's Workshop
I'm sorry to know that you have something like this to deal with. I wish you the best in your recovery process.
ReplyDeleteJust want to tell you that you can validate your own memories and experiences. It sounds like you are on the road to doing just that.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes!
Good for you! It's a brave journey you're on. I wish you the very best. Validation is without question worth striving for. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear you have to deal with something like this. It sounds like you are well on your way toward the validation you need/seek.:)
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