So what's different this year? In some ways nothing. Nothing's been resolved, but I don't seem to be struggling with the emotions in the same way. I still want to make everyone come to a happy agreement on everything . . . I just realize, now, it's not going to happen. Working on those expectations is tough stuff.
I interact with family members as infrequently as possible. I know they are annoyed and possibly even hurt, but I also know there is nothing I can do to fix it. I know that I am healthier for the choices I have made.
I'd still like to have that Norman Rockwell family, where people are kind to each other, believing and supporting one another through difficult times, and providing an open and honest exchange of ideas. It's just not going to happen with these people in this lifetime.
I send them informative emails about things they need to know. I even occasionally send an email just to check on them. They send me notice of their travel plans, and whose died recently that I might want to know about. Sometimes there's a tone in their emails, but I try to keep mine strictly factual -- no sarcasm, accusations, or snarkiness. Just the facts, ma'am.
The one remaining constant though, is a deep and abiding sadness. Sadness about the events that brought me to these choices. Sadness that I don't have that Norman Rockwell (of Hallmark, if you prefer) family. Sadness that it can't be fixed to my liking, and maybe a tinge of guilt, still. I know it's not my fault, but if only, if only . . .
linking up with Writer's Workshop
Family situations can be so hard...and it's a life long thing because, well, it's family. Good for you for doing what you need to do rather than hold it in. Blessings today :)
ReplyDeleteThe thing is that no one has a perfect family. Some look great from outside but inside they aren't. You keep focused on you and what you can do and that's all you can control. xo
ReplyDeleteYours is certainly a story I can relate to, having suffered years of despair in a blended family myself. I was the step mom to a wicked stepdaughter in my blended family; and I was the one who was hated and ostracized by every in-law. I have a whole new view of the Cinderella fairy tale now that I know there are two sides to every story and I now write and laugh about yesteryear. Life is too short to let other people steal your joy. It sounds like you're making the right choices, so hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI understand the feeling about the "Norman Rockwell" family. I have a sister who, at best, wants to keep me an arms length, even on Holidays. I haven't seen her in years, although she visits my mom on holidays, and conveniently is never there when I come to visit. So sad.
ReplyDeleteRelating to people, whether family or not, can be so frustrating and saddening. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I can only control what I do/say and how I respond to situations. Stopping by from Mama Kat's.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. I have a situation where my family has nothing to do with me. They have gone on their merry way and left me and my husband behind. strangely, it has been the best thing for us, as we are now able to live our life as we choose, rather that be under the constant scrutiny and criticism of others. Sometimes, it's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about the Norman Rockwell families is that even THEY come equipped with hardships and issues. It's definitely sad when we have to cut off ties a bit with people who were supposed to be close to us, but I agree with you...we can't control the circumstances that put us in that position. I'm glad you're in a better place.
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