Saturday, August 23, 2014

{this moment}

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.


Friday, August 22, 2014

:: Change

Things change. It's a fact of life. Like the line in "Finding Nemo" where the dad promises he won't let anything ever happen to Nemo. Ridiculous. Things happen. Things change. Without change there would be no living.

That doesn't mean it's not difficult sometimes. Embracing changes can be hard, even the good ones. 

We're going through changes around our house. Our daughter recently got a full-time job and moved into her first apartment. Her bedroom's not "hers" anymore. It's the guest room now. That's going to take a bit of getting used to, but I'm embracing the fun of a bit of redecorating while she's embracing some new and much deserved freedom.

Our son is going to college here in town this year and will be living at home. Mostly a good thing and nice having him around, but it is a struggle sometimes for mom and dad and a 21 year old to figure out boundaries.

Alan is moving from grad school classes to practicum and internship. Not a huge shift, but a shift nonetheless.

And me. I'm not sure. More writing time I hope. Crafting. A new style of homemaking as the demographics change around here. Who knows, maybe a part time job is in my near future.

Change is unavoidable. I choose to embrace it and assume positive thoughts as I look ahead.

linking up with Five Minute Friday




Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Barns, Wire, and Healing

It happened again last night. We were watching an old episode of "The Mentalist". It's one of my favorite programs. I am drawn to damaged heroes, go figure.

Jane and Cho are in a sub-basement where 3 skeletons have been discovered. They are investigating and I am intrigued with where the story will go. Jane points out wire wrapped around one of the victim's wrist. And that's when it starts. He wants outside and so do I. 

I look at Alan, but he hasn't noticed. I begin to slow my breathing. I'm relieved as they show Jane walk up the stairs and out into the sunlight. He inhales deeply, raising his arms to the sun. The camera pans back to show he's come out of a barn with the Red John symbol painted on it. But I am stuck on that barn. Looking out over a field. And the realization, just before Jane has it, that he only thinks he's safe there in the sunlight.

I've been in a barn with wire twisted around my wrist to hold me still. I've been desperate to escape the barn and flee into the sunlight, believing I will be safe there. It was all just a bit too familiar.

I kept breathing and reminding myself that, yes, there were lots of reminders here, but I want to watch these characters, and death was not my fate that day. I become intrigued again in the show, but I also start playing solitaire on my phone -- a basic escape, coping mechanism for me. I realize I'm following the episode, but not. And I accept that I may have to watch it again later, but I'll skip the scene in the barn, much the way my son always skips the opening scenes in "Disturbia" so he' doesn't have to see them again. To be wounded by them again. 

And I realize I'm am learning to cope with this history of mine. I'm controlling it much more than it is controlling me. Maybe that's what they meant by healing all those years ago. 


linking up with Just Write


Five Years

linking up with Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . August 19, 2014

Outside my window . . . it is overcast and breezy. Currently 75* and heading into the 90s.

I am thinking . . . about changes around the house. Dd moved out last week and I have some empty spaces to work with now. 

I am thankful . . . for our safe trip and that all went well here while we were gone.

In the kitchen . . . a trip to the grocery is in order today. We've been making do since we got home late Saturday night, so it's time to organize menus for the week.

I am wearing . . . a white cotton gown.

I am creating . . . a crocheted rug for my bedroom.

I am going . . . to continue organizing from the trip and playing around with some ideas for the house.

I am wondering . . . about this new time in my life and how I want to use it.

I am reading . . . Atlas Girl by Emily Wierenga. This is a memoir of her life thus far. It is lyrically written and has been totally engrossing.

I am looking forward to . . . going to help dd in her new apartment tomorrow! I haven't even seen it yet, but with being out of town and working around her work, it looks as if I'll get there tomorrow to help out a bit.

I am hearing . . . silence.

Around the house . . . things are still a bit messy from our return, but I should be able to put that into better order fairly quickly.

I am praying . . . for a friend who had an accident yesterday, another friend whose child is in the hospital for her appendix, and a friend's mother who is having a cardiac procedure today.

One of my favorite things . . . is color. The older I get the more important color is to me. I love surrounding myself with bits of bright colors in unexpected ways and places.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . grocery and housework today, the annual "girly" appointment tomorrow, a meeting on Thursday, and Saturday is our 29th wedding anniversary. Wow, how did that happen so fast!?!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

dh on the plane





Monday, August 18, 2014

Ramblings



We spent a week diving in Bonaire. 

I'm still recovering from our vacation, but I did have a few thoughts flit through my head at various moments that I wanted to share before they were lost to the din of daily of life.

Alan is a photographer. He especially loves underwater photography. Unfortunately on this trip he had a few technical difficulties so there aren't as many photos as usual. On one of our last dives (I'm not sure which as they all run together for me) it occurred to me that this time I would just "be" in the moment of the dives. There might not be photos to help me remember things, but by the same token, without photos as a goal I became less focused on finding the right fish or coral formation to point out for a photo op. Instead it became about seeing things and trying to store them away for the future.

This may not be a great revelation for you, but it was for me. I tend to live my life looking forward so much so that I miss out on the now. 

I approached this vacation with some reticence because on our last dive vacation things didn't go well for me. I was really worried I'd have the same ear problems as last time, or that I would just decide I didn't like diving after all. Neither of those things happened. What did happen was I told Alan exactly how I was feeling, above and below the water. I didn't try to second guess what he wanted from me. I did things I like to do (naps by the pool, for example) without guilt or worrying about what he would think.

The fascinating thing to me is how much more fun I had just by letting go. I don't think of myself as a controlling person. I don't try to control other people, but I do try to control situations. It's a safety mechanism that lingers from my childhood experiences. And I let go of some of that on this trip. 

I hope I'll have some pictures to share in the next few days as Alan edits the ones he was able to get. We saw some amazing things -- lion fish, iguana, lizards, cave drawings, goats, and lots of donkeys! We ate some great food, and did our usual enjoyment of desserts, especially ice cream. 

We came home still liking each other which is always a good thing, but especially so this time as dd moved while we gone. Yes, we knew it was happening, but it was still a bit surreal to come home and find her bedroom practically empty. She is settling into her first apartment and full-time job, and we are acclimating to the realization that she doesn't live her anymore. It's a good thing all around, but it feels very different.

Rambling a bit today, but I wanted to say hi and share.

Thanks for all of you who read and comment. You are a blessing.




Saturday, August 16, 2014

{this moment}

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.