Make : Write 28 Days

form, construct, create, build, assemble, manufacture

Each day I make something. 

Some days it's easier to see the end result. A blanket I've crocheted. A strand of prayer beads strung together. A meal to feed myself or others. 

Other days it's more difficult. Another step in healing. Another relationship established or improved. Mistakes. 

Whether intentionally or not, I make something every day. The dream is to make something that improves the world. To add to the goodness and positivity I hope to see grow. But sometimes I make things that are neutral or even detrimental. 

Right now as I sit typing these words, I hope that it's the former. Words that encourage not only me but someone who needs a word of hope. Some light at the end of the tunnel. When I first started this blog over 10 years ago it was about needing a place to hear my own voice and get some validation that I wasn't crazy. I made sentences by stringing words together. And then paragraphs. And then a post. But one of the unexpected gifts of this blog has been the lasting relationships I've made with other people writing about their own struggles and dreams. An unforeseen benefit of what I feared was more evidence of my own self-indulgence.

So what do I want to make of this second half of my life? 

Thinking about my own wants, wishes, and dreams is something that got lost along the road awhile ago. When I first started trying to listen to my own desires I couldn't hear them. People would ask me what I wanted and I would explain all the pros and cons of the various options. My best friend and I went shopping for a pepper grinder or shaker. She held up two options and said, "Which one do you want?" I proceeded to explain the benefits of the grinder over the shaker. Then I turned it around and explained the benefits of the shaker over the grinder. She looked at me the whole time, and then said in the exact same way, "Which one do you want?" And I started again with my explanations. I could see some frustration in her eyes, so I stopped and asked what I was doing wrong. She asked again, "Which one do you want?" I stood there for a moment and finally said, "Well, I guess I want both of them." I suddenly realized that what mattered was what I wanted.

Now that may seem like a silly "aha" moment. Then again it may sound sad. But standing in the aisle of the local Wal-Mart I began to see how deeply buried my own wants had become.

It's gotten easier to access those preferences, but the struggle still catches me off guard sometimes. Most days I make choices without too much difficulty. It's simpler when it's an either/or situation. The more options the greater the anxiety.

So what will I make today? Choices. My own choices. And in making those choices I hope they make my world and the world at large a better place for all.