A Spring Bucket List

I like the idea of a bucket list as long as I can view it as suggestions and not absolutes. I don't want to be forced into doing something, fail, and feel guilty for failing. Okay, so maybe I still have some issues to work on. With that proviso, here's my list.

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1. Clean out and restock my bird feeders. Every year I do a finch sock, songbird feeder, and a hummingbird feeder. I enjoy watching them throughout the spring, summer, and fall.

2. Plant some daffodil bulbs. I know they won't bloom this year, but I keep meaning to do this because they are my favorite flower and I don't have any in my yard.

3. Create a fairy garden.  My bff sent me this picture and I now I really want one.

4. Lay on a quilt in the grass. It sounds a bit silly, but it's something I love doing, but rarely take the time to make it happen.

6. Ride my bike at least once a week. I got a new bike right before all the snow and ice hit us this winter. I've been out on it several times already, and I want to keep it up.

7. Read some non-intellectual literature. Not necessarily bad lit, just casual and relaxed. Suggestions?

8. Sort through my spring clothes and create some new looks. 

9. Finish up those spring sewing projects before summer gets here.

10. Drive with the top down as much as possible. Still loving my Fiat convertible.

linking up with Writer's Workshop

Tasty Treats

linking up with Wordless Wednesday

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . April 7, 2015

Outside my window . . . it's in the mid-60s and cloudy. We had rain most of the day yesterday and it looks as if we'll get more today. April showers . . . 

I am thinking . . . about a kind comment on yesterday's post. I guess I am the "Kool-Aid" mom!

I am thankful . . . for improved moods and attitudes around my house and in my heart.

In the kitchen . . . last night was salmon and steamed veggies. I'm probably going to pick up a rotisserie chicken for tonight because I've got a busy day.

I am creating . . . still working on my secret crochet project and spring sewing goodies, although not as much as I'd like to. Hoping for increased motivation.

I am going . . . to resurrect Flylady around my house. Something's got to happen to get my mojo going!

I am wondering . . . the vagaries of life. I just read about a family whose bakery did so well over the Easter weekend that they gave their employees a half day off yesterday as a reward. This morning their Facebook page says they will be closed the rest of the week because their 19 year old daughter was killed in a car crash yesterday. So very sad!

I am reading . . . The Haj by Leon Uris. This is so good, but I'm having trouble concentrating right now, so I'm on the hunt for something lighter to mix in with it.

And this morning I got up to a book recommendation from a friend. God moves!

I am looking forward to . . . lots of things coming up this week.

I am hearing . . . birds chirping and cars heading off to work.

Around the house . . . I had a better day yesterday so things are beginning to look a bit better. I pulled a pretty notebook from my collection and used it to make my lists in. Then I crossed off items with a hot pink Sharpie. It's the little things.

I am praying . . . for the family mentioned above. For a friend who is having surgery right now for partial foot amputation. Prayers of praise and gratitude that Lila's (the 2yo) tumor has shrunk by 80%! 

One of my favorite things . . . is fresh flowers, and dh surprised me with some yesterday afternoon!

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . therapy, grocery shopping, a walk with dh at the lake, a massage, spiritual direction, then driving dh to a business meeting on Friday, and lunch with The Fun Girls and my bestie's parents on Saturday. Whew!

Here's a picture for thought I am sharing . . .

my Easter lamb cake 

(also from dh)

linking up with The Simple Woman

Impromptu Birthday Cake

The other night ds and some friends came in from dinner and announced that it was K's birthday. They were heading to the climbing gym and wondered it I could bake a cake for them to have when they go home. No pressure here! Bake a birthday cake from the pantry for the birthday girl I'd never baked for before. She asked for a lemon cake. Did I have fresh lemons? No I did not. So I had to wing it.

I have a yummy recipe for a lovely bundt cake, Treasure Toffee Cake. I had some of the ingredients for that, so I just went with it. The cake was a success and made lovely coffee cake the next morning.

1 yellow cake mix
(7 T. butter, 3 eggs, water)
1/3 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate morsels
1/3 cup Heath toffee pieces
1/4 cup white chocolate chips (because I had them)
1/2 cup raw sugar (you could use brown sugar here)

Follow package instructions. Mine called for the items in (). Grease a bundt pan well. Pour 2/3rds of the batter into the pan, and sprinkle on the mixture of sugar and sweets. Top with remaining batter, and bake according to package directions. Invert on cooling rack as soon as you take it out of the oven.

Not a traditional birthday cake, I'll admit, but not too bad for a cake request at 8 pm on a Tuesday night.

Happy eating!

linking up with Made by You Monday

Good

It's been a good week. I've had some "ick" to deal with from abuse issues, but I've been handling them. 

I did better at more positive self-talk. Less criticism, more compassion. So that's good.

I've gotten some physical activity almost every day, and I've eaten well -- read not obsessed about every bite that goes into my mouth.

Dh and I got home from a long weekend in Los Angeles, and even got our Wednesday walk at Radnor Lake done.

I had tea with dd and enjoyed the chance to sit and chat with no agenda.

Ds asked me to make a cake for a friend's birthday last night, and I created a tasty one from what was in the pantry. It was enjoyed by all.

All of that is really good stuff, and I'm happy to have been kinder to myself this week. Maybe as kind to me as I try to be to others.

But what's really good about today? I'll share my husband's comment:

Why is it good Friday? According to one article I read, the original meaning of the word "good" was also "holy", so it is a holy day on which Jesus scarified himself for the world's sins... my sins... whatever the case, thank God he did... Have a blessed day...

linking up with Five Minute Friday

No one ever asked

Write a blog post that ends with the line: No one ever asked me.

When I started this blog my plan was to write about the abuse and healing in a way that would help other people. I hope that's been true, but it's really been about helping myself. The more I get it out there and the more positive feedback I get about getting it out there, the less alone I feel.

I spent a lot of years walking around in a fog, pretending (unconsciously) to be something I wasn't. I was striving so hard for perfection that I wasn't really living. Not connecting with myself, so it was impossible to truly connect with anyone else. I even had a friend tell me later in life that he was always so impressed with me because I was so poised. Apparently I was a better actress than I thought I was, because I was doing a good job of fooling the people around me.

Part of my problem was I needed permission to share my story. The abusers had locked it away inside of me. Some with overt threats. Others with implied threats. And over time it just became a given that I wasn't supposed to tell. What few bits and pieces I shared were dismissed or ignored as unimportant, so there was no hope of anyone believing the really bad stuff. I put it away in a box in the back of mind and conveniently "forgot" about it, because it wasn't going to be addressed until I felt someone really wanted to know, but no one ever asked me.

linking up with Writer's Workshop

blue ribbon -- a repost

every april I pull out my blue ribbon and pin it on my shirt. 
the first time I did it, I worried about what people would think/say.
I worried they would ask what it meant.
I worried they wouldn't ask what it meant.
I worried about what I would say.
I worried about what I wouldn't say.
each year that I have worn the blue ribbon it has become a little easier to set aside the worrying -- to expect nothing -- to be happy with a good conversation -- to set aside the discomfort of others.
it hasn't gotten any easier to have them look away though.
as I was having blood drawn at the doctor's office, the technician said, "what's your pin for?"
"april is child abuse awareness month. I am a survivor."
"oh", startled, she looked away, and I felt it again. the guilt and shame. 
what did she think of me now?
should I have kept my mouth shut?
not worn my blue ribbon?
there was no more conversation and little eye contact. she drew my blood, while I dealt with the pain of the needle in my arm and the accusation in her looking away. I was damaged goods all over again. I was at fault. I was less than.
I read a post about seeing people.
all I want is to be seen for who I am. a grown woman who is still 5 years old inside, wishing someone would intercede for me. wishing I didn't feel guilty and ashamed for others' actions.
but every april I pull out my blue ribbon and pin it on my shirt.

(this post was originally published April 13, 2012 -- I repost it every April in honor of Child Abuse Awareness Month)