Cafe au Lait

linking up with Wordless Wednesday

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . September 9, 2014

Outside my window . . . foggy! The old wives tale around here is the more fogs in August and September, the more snow come winter. We shall see.

I am thinking . . . autumn colds are for the birds!

I am thankful . . . that I am feeling better after a weekend of doing nothing but fighting a fever.

In the kitchen . . . grilled burgers, baked beans, sweet potato barrels, and chips.

I am wearing . . . one my cotton gowns (as usual)

I am creating . . . a rug for the guest room and a shawl. Pretty soon I've got to get started on projects for Presents with a Purpose.

I am going . . . therapy and then back home to do some paperwork and maybe a bit of crafting (yoga's on old until I'm fever free for 24 hours).

I am wondering . . . how our society arrived at the level of loathing so many women feel for their bodies. I wrote a post last week about weight and self worth and was kind of blown away by some of the responses I got via Facebook. Lots of self criticism out there!

I am reading . . . Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo. Almost there, just didn't feel much like reading over the weekend.

I am looking forward to . . . a quick trip next week with dh to Connecticut. He's got a meeting and I get to tag along.

I am hearing . . . dogs settling in for morning naps, and birds chirping. It's interesting how the fog changes sound.

Around the house . . . still some reorganizing (although not as much as I'd hoped) and thinking about some autumn decor.

I am praying . . . for the global issues. 

One of my favorite things . . . is starting a new Precept study. It's kind of the way I used to feel about starting back to school. I did some "homework" last night, and it felt good to stretch those muscles again.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . coffee with a friend tomorrow. Precept class on Thursday (I'm providing snacks). Lunch with a college friend on Friday. Alan has class on Saturday, and then church on Sunday (I missed last week with my cold).

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

This is Steve, my new buddy.

Steve went exploring over the weekend.

linking up with The Simple Woman

Whisper

I hear voices in my head all day long.

No I'm not schizophrenic. 

I hear people telling me what to do. Telling me what not to do. I hear me criticizing and demeaning myself.

I know it's got to stop. I've tried all kinds of things to drown out the voices, but it never lasts for long. Drowning them out doesn't seem like a real possibility.

So I'm trying something new. I'm whispering to myself lately. A small, quiet, kind voice reminding me that I am enough. That the only voice I need to pay attention to is God's.
None of the others matter at all.

So I'm whispering "good job", "way to go", "atta a girl". And I'm smiling a bit more each day. 

Baby steps and whispers.


linking up with Five Minute Friday

August's Lesson

I could say I learned how much I worry, but that's not really true, because I know I'm a worrier. 

I could say I learned that I like sweets, A LOT, but that's not really news either.

So what did I learn last month?  That's hard.

Maybe it seems hard because I don't like the word "learned" as it seems to imply that I have acquired lasting knowledge and mastered something new. If that is indeed the definition, then I don't "learn" much at all, because it seems I keep learning the same things over and over again.

Perhaps I will say I was reminded. That seems better to me. 

So what was I reminded of last month?

1. That asking for help is good thing.
I was worried (see above) about our scuba trip. Worried that I'd have trouble with my ear again, so I went to the allergist and got checked out and she provided me with some advice. It worked! No ear trouble on the trip. I asked. I received. It made things better. Perhaps I should apply this in other areas of my life?

2. That worrying about what might happen won't change the actual outcome. It only sucks joy and energy from the now.
We had a really good time diving and I was reminded of how much I love it and how capable I am. All that worrying was just a waste of time.

3. I do like coffee. 
Okay, this one has nothing to do with worrying, but I was reminded that Starbucks isn't the only coffee in town, and you don't have to burn your coffee if you don't want to. I tasted some coffee the other day at The Fresh Market. It's their "Summer Breeze" with hints of apricot and fresh cream, and it is yummy. Admittedly, I do prefer more of a cafe au latte with milk and sugar, but it's a nice variation on my morning cup of tea.

So there it is. What I was reminded of last month. (Yes, I know Kat only asked for 1, but by now you should all know that I'm not good at limiting!)


linking up with Writer's Workshop

Weight and Self Worth

I see myself differently everyday. Sometimes every hour. It often depends on who I am with or if I'm all alone.

I have the best opinion of myself when I'm with my long term friends. These are the people who have known me for years and years. Through good and bad and worst. They have known me at every weight and age (at least since I was 15), and they have chosen to remain with me. And I have no idea why.

I've been trying to untangle some relationship knots of late. Like most people I prefer to think that my problems are someone else's fault, but I'm pretty good at taking ownership for things that aren't my fault as well. 

Sometimes I think I work so hard at being honest, that I lose sight of feelings. I work so hard to be sure that I'm not being too easy on myself or being unfair to other people, that I forget to take into account my feelings about things. 

This is all very vague. Let's get down to specifics. I am a 52 year old woman. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and 2 rapes as an adult. I'm 5'2" (on a good day) and I weigh . . . well a lot more than I should according to all the charts that are out there and a lot more than I did over 30 years ago when I met my husband.

I come from a family of overweight, sedentary people. I married a man who is active all the time, and his mother was a swimsuit model. Seriously. 

I've embraced activities over the years. Hiking, swimming, yoga, biking, even scuba diving. Most of them I enjoy quite a bit.

I love to cook, and the older I get the more I love sweets. I've trained myself to stop and think about why I am eating things -- am I hungry? Am I bored? Am I tired? Am I stressed? And I try to eat for the "right" reasons. 

I love sweets and salty carbs. I am working on adding more fruit and vegetables to my snacking menu, and protein too. It's difficult when the rules of healthy eating seem to change everyday. I grew up on "eat what's put in front of you" Southern cooking. I've been down the fat free road, the low carb trek, the high protein approach, Weight Watchers, LA Weight Loss. You name it and I've probably tried it.

I've exercised regularly at times, and sporadically, and not at all. 

I suffer from depression and anxiety. '

And yet the Nike ad runs through my head -- Just do it!

I have good intentions. I make plans. I start and stay with it for a while, but then I get an injury or my allergies and asthma act up as the pollen increases. I get depressed. I feel that I'm never good enough and I'm never going to lose the weight, and if I don't lose the weight then I can't really live.

And the truth is I just want off this merry-go-round. I want to be content with what I look like and accept myself for who I am, but that's hard when the media and people around me tell me I need to change . . . constantly.

So how do you do it? How do you figure out what you really want and do it for yourself? That's the questions I'm asking. And it's not rhetorical.

Cat-dog?

linking up with Wordless Wednesday

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . September 2, 2014

Outside my window . . . it's already 77*. Sunny and with an array of clouds wisping across the sky.

I am thinking . . . about a some lovely encouragement I got from a dear friend last night. 

I am thankful . . . for a calmer week ahead and the busyness of the weekend being behind me.

In the kitchen . . . last night was a variation on Enchilasagna. I'm working on using up some of the food items that have accumulated in the freezer and pantry (+ I'm just not into cooking right now!)

I am wearing . . . one my cotton gowns (as usual)

I am creating . . . a rug for the guest room and a shawl. Pretty soon I've got to get started on projects for Presents with a Purpose.

I am going . . . to a meeting and then to run some errands. After that home to do some housework and crafting.

I am wondering . . . how best to carve out some real writing time for myself.

I am reading . . . Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo. Quite entertaining. I keep forgetting it's a novel and not a travelogue.

I am looking forward to . . . getting back to my Precept Bible study group on Thursday. We are studying Exodus this fall.

I am hearing . . . Yaya wheezing (normal for her) and I think I just heard ds get up to get ready for school.

Around the house . . . I've been doing a bit of reorganizing. Moving household supplies and books. It's a bit like spring cleaning only for autumn.

I am praying . . . for peace around the globe. It is frightening to see so much anger and hostility towards others. I know God has control.

One of my favorite things . . . is re-organizing. It's the librarian in me, but I love grouping and categorizing items, especially when it makes things easier to use.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . it's a pretty quiet week. I am thankful for that. 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

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