Halloween, a Pig, and Blessings

I wrote about it here, but there's a lot I didn't share.

That therapy session was last Wednesday -- Halloween.
My husband offered all kinds of things to help me through the exhaustion, sadness, and depression afterwards.
I didn't know what I needed. So mostly I sat on the sofa in a fog, and cried a little more as I tried to tell him about it.
Then I sat in the living room and waited for trick-or-treaters. And I'll tell you it's pretty hard not to smile when you have little Avengers and princesses and animal-people coming to your door with such anticipation and excitement on their faces.
And when the little boy who lives across the street, and is the cutest child in the world, comes a second time, and I offer just one more piece of candy, and he lays a package of 2 cookies on my candy tray, and his father explains (in his Welsh accent) that Radley wanted to give us a treat -- well what can you do but laugh and smile and feel a belly full of joy.
Then the next evening my husband tells me to close my eyes as he rips open a box from Amazon and places the softest thing in the world in my hands, and tells me to open my eyes, and I see this

I pull her close (because I know right away she's a girl) and snuggle her, and tears come into my eyes as I look up at my husband shyly and still amazed after 27 years of marriage, that he knows, that he gets, what I need in these moments of immense pain. And then he tells me that's just a little thing, the big thing is coming next week.

And suddenly it's still not okay that the horribles happened, but it's wonderful that I don't have to carry it alone anymore. And it's amazing that I have this man in my life, and these children of mine, and precious little people in costumes offering me cookies.

And I think about what I do and don't deserve. And it just doesn't matter so much.

linking up with imperfect prose on thursdays

Day 31 of 31

Happy Halloween! And happy I've made it through 31 days of blogging.

I have good memories of Halloween as a young child. There were costumes bought at the 5 and Dime store. Cheap fabric and a plastic mask. My mother would make me wear a sweater over the costume ruining the entire ensemble. We would make the rounds, mostly to friends and relatives. The best was stopping at Auntie and Uncle Horace's house. She always made popcorn balls and we would sit in the living room eating them and sometimes caramel apples as well.

Other years there were parties at school with bobbing for apples, pin the tail on the donkey, and comparing our costumes. In memory it seems fun and innocent. I hope it really was like that.

The smell of autumn leaves is still one of my favorite scents. Whether it's just the damp, musky scent as they carpet the ground or the smell of them burning in bonfires, it just makes me smile.

I still love walking (kicking) through piles of crunchy leaves that accumulate, and watching each leaf's lazy dance through the autumn air. 

So for this last day of October -- Halloween -- last day of 31, I want to say thank you for reading and commenting. Thank you for letting me voice some really difficult things. Thank you for being there and not judging me.

Have a wonderful day and evening doing what you love with those you love, and remember --
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

-- Romans 8:28 (NASB)

:: right now ::

following SouleMama's inspiration . . . 
:: right now, I am . . .
:: relishing in the peace and quiet of everyone sent on their way
:: looking forward to baking pumpkin bread and making pumpkin rice krispie treats

:: relaxed from a pleasant Sunday spent with my kids and husband
:: happy for a shift in my mood
:: enjoying planning new projects for yarn and fabric

:: anticipating creating just because I can

:: wondering what scuba diving in December will be like
:: loving my children, who are really grown ups, everyday
:: feeling blessed in my relationship with my husband. Struggles are tough, but getting through them together is SO worth it 

happy Halloween Monday to all of you!

for SouleMama's list click here

Happy Halloween!