CSA, PTSD, EMDR, SAMM and Other Acronyms that Mean Nothing to the General Populace

I throw around a lot of acronyms on here. It's the nature of my history, diagnosis, and life. Sometimes when I'm talking with other people, I forget that they don't know what all those letter mean. So today I'm giving you a crash course in CSA and it's lingo. 

That's the first one. CSA is child sexual abuse. Essentially it is a subset of child abuse in which the abuser uses a child for sexual gratification.

PTSD is more commonly recognized. Post traumatic stress disorder is generally seen in veterans, but is also common in survivors of abuse, survivors of accidents and natural disasters. It is an anxiety disorder that develops following some form of life-threatening or perceived life-altering trauma.

There are many forms of treatment for PTSD, but one of the most successful is EMDR. Eye movement desensitization reprogramming therapy "combines dual attention to a traumatic memory with back-and-forth eye movements, or alternating sound or vibrations. The sensory stimulation triggers the brain's 'investigatory response' that leads to neurophysiological changes that diminish or resolve the effects of trauma." (citation)

SAMM is the acronym for Sexual Assault Awareness Month which is April.

I hope this information gives you a starting place if you are a survivor, friend or loved one of a survivor, or just interested in knowing more about helping survivors.

Peace and blessings.

What We Wish You Knew

Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse: What We Would Like You to Know About Us

1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.

2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.

3. Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.

4. Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse "on the back burner" does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through these emotions and process them.

5. Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are dealing with this early trauma. This is because: we are working on separating the past from the present. Pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously. It is important for us to be in control, since control is what we lacked as children. Sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sex will only increase our tension.

6. We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to our emotions.

7. We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart inside.

8. There is nothing wrong with us as survivors -- something wrong was DONE to us.

9. Sometimes others get impatient with us for not "getting past it" sooner. Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience and support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won't happen overnight.

10. Your support is extremely important to us. Remember; we have been trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about how you would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatened verbally and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live with that fear.

11. Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain to our own.

12. There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that they are charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody -- from any social class or ethnic background, with any level of education-- may be an offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next generation of children.

13. We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.

14. We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by: listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.

15. Our therapy does not break up relationships - it sometimes causes them to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that were already present.

16. Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.

From Triumph over Darkness by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A. copyright Wendy Ann Wood 1993

Puppy Love

see more at Wordless Wednesday

Just Write

FIL and DD

It's April and when I left my father-in-law's house this afternoon it was sleeting. That's the kind of spring we are having, and let me just say, it's not doing a darn thing for my mood. My mood which is bleak already. My mood which my family will tell you has been in the toilet lately. My mood that I can't quite explain.

Just blah. A little tired. A little sad. A little anxious. I can list some pretty good reasons for my down in the dumps attitude. 
-- Blah non-spring weather following a blah non-winter. 
-- My father-in-law is in declining health. It's hard watching someone I care about die. It's harder watching the man I love lose his father -- his last remaining parent. It's hard helping my children understand their dad's moodiness. And I'm a fixer at heart. These things that can't be fixed, no matter what I do, they really undo me. 
-- Add to that my own struggles with past childhood abuse, and April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and I'm helping my husband with a presentation on the diagnosis and treatment of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I guess that about sums things up.

So what do you do when the stress keeps building, and there's really not much to be done about it, but get through it? 

I pray . . . a lot.

I write.

I cook.

I breathe.

I make lists.

I beat up on myself mentally. (A really bad habit, that I'm trying to break.)

So I'm writing. I'm sharing about hard things, and hoping I don't get backlash for being a negative Nellie. 

It's just that the reality of this life is beauty and messy and happy and sad and thrilling and awful. And if we only talk about the pretty stuff, we're leaving a lot unsaid. And unsaid things can do a lot of damage.

So I'm saying that right now, in this time and place, it's tough. I believe it will get better. I believe someday I'll look back on this period of my life and see things I need to see that I can't see now. And through it is the only way to get there.

linking up with Just Write

April = SAAM

It's April, which means I pull out my blue ribbon. I've written about the abuse I endured as a child. I've written about the rapes as an adult. I've shared with you all -- mostly strangers in real life -- about intimate details of the ugliness of abuse. Everyone of you who have commented have had nothing but generous, positive, and uplifting things to say to me. And for that I am more grateful than you will ever know.

May I ask a favor now? Do something this month to help raise awareness of sexual assault. Wear a ribbon. Share the logo on your blog or Facebook page. Speak out in some way to remind others that there are victims trying to become survivors, and survivors trying to become thrivers. 

The ugliness won't go away on its own. The only way to rid the world of darkness is to spread the light. Shine it on those dark, nasty things, so they will slither away. 

Throughout this month I will sharing some older posts, some new posts, and some helpful posts for those of us who are survivors. But also for those of you living with and loving victims and survivors, and for those of you who want to help in any way you can. 

Shine the light, because that is the first step.

For more information --

The Innocence Revolution

Sexual Assault Center

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . April 2, 2013

Outside my window . . . it is cloudy and chilly. We're still stuck in an unusual spring, but we did have sunshine all day yesterday.

I am thinking . . . about a call I got 7 years ago telling me that a friend's son was MIA. The call came later that he was dead. I remember going into the bathroom and crying. Remembering you today, David Bass (cpl, Marines).

I am thankful . . . some improvements around here in moods. It's still a little sketchy though.

In the kitchen . . . we were supposed to have Succotash Soup, but when I went to put it together I realized I'd forgotten to buy lima beans! So instead with Black Bean and Corn Soup. It needs a little spicing up, but it was pretty tasty.

I am wearing . . . my robe and my slippers.

I am creating . . . the scarf for a play and a fun little stuffed turtle for me.

I am going . . . to check on my FIL today. We are taking turns checking in on him -- running errands, doing a little housework, fixing meals, etc. I'm taking his laundry back to him today, and just visiting for a bit.

I am wondering . . . 

I am reading . . . Kinsey and Me: Stories by Sue Grafton

I am looking forward to . . . a little get away next week with dh. We still don't really know where we're going or how long we'll be gone. Just know we are heading SOUTH!

I am hearing . . . silence, and the dogs whining to be let out of their crates.

Around the house . . . the beginnings of spring cleaning.

I am pondering . . . hard things. We are going through a difficult season in our house, and I am reminding myself that God is always present. 

One of my favorite things . . . is a good productive and fun day. I need more of those right now, but I think there is just so much to do that it is hard to feel productive when I see everything that didn't get done.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . my FIL today and Thursday, a meeting tomorrow, dinner guests Thursday, hopefully a haircut on Friday, helping dh with a grad school project on Saturday, and then heading out for a few days of rest and relaxation!

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

tulips from dh last week

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

How to Love Yourself

. . . when all you can see are the flaws and mistakes.


I look around the house, and I see dust and cobwebs. I see some peeling wall paper border. I see kitchen cabinets that need cleaning out, and a refrigerator that needs a good scrubbing.

I look at myself, and I see the extra pounds I need to lose. The hair that needs cutting. A wardrobe that is mostly yoga pants and long-sleeved t-shirts. 

I look at my To-Do list and see all kinds of things I have scheduled to take care of today, this week, and I wonder how well I'll do at accomplishing those things.

I fix a cup of tea and sit down at my computer. That's when I realize I'm doing it again. Comparing myself to everyone else -- only everyone else is actually this SuperMom/Wife that I have created in my head. All other women live up to her standards. All other women except me.

Who created this idea that we are supposed to excel at everything? It's easy to blame the media, and they deserve a lot of the credit, but I think it's Satan. He ingrains in me that I can be 51 and look as if I'm 24. That my house can look like the pages from a magazine. I can cook wonderful and amazing meals. Entertain regularly. Do craft projects, volunteer, do charity work, help my extended family, and be lovely and pleasant and energetic through it all. Oh, and did I mention in-depth Bible study and recreational reading as well?

Choices must be made, and sometimes the wrong choice will be made. Other times there won't be a clear cut right or wrong and I will be called on to choose, knowing I will let someone down. 

So how do keep on loving myself, when I know in my heart I will fail at much that I will attempt? How do I keep trying? 

First, I stop and breathe. Then I remember that I am not called to be perfect. That there are no perfect people out there, no matter what Satan tells me. There are only people, women, trying to take care of things and people and themselves.

Second, I stop and remind myself I am not alone in this journey. I am a child of God. I have an ever loving Father who is happy to listen to all my worries and even my complaining. I can tell Him how tired I am and how I don't want to have to do the hard things anymore, and He will not judge me or reprimand me. Rather He will love and encourage me, imbuing me with strength to do the "have to's". 

He will tell me how He loves me, no matter what I accomplish. And He will remind me that perfection is His business, and not a requirement for entering His presence.

So I make a list. I prioritize, and I do the best I can. Remembering that His reality is the only one that matters.


I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God's business. -- Michael J. Fox


linking up to a love dare