Random Facts

6 random facts about Alan and me . . . 

1. Alan is 17 months younger than I am. He really enjoys those months where it appears that there is a 2 year age difference.

2. He says he knew after our first date he'd marry me. I broke up with him, but we never stopped dating.

3. Alan's Mr. Fit/Outdoors/Let's Do Something. I'm Ms. Let's Eat Dessert/Watch a Movie/Take a Nap.

4. We are a complete person academically: he's math/science and I'm history/English.

5. He is a human calculator. I am not.

6. I think he's pretty terrific, and so does he.


linking up with Writer's Workshop

Sacraments

http://www.thelivingtruthfellowship.org/

You've been told all your life about the sanctity of Holy Communion. You've been told it's wrong to partake in it until certain rites have been completed. They've told you how wonderful it is. It will bring you closer to God and closer to those with whom you share it.

Imagine having holy communion shoved down your throat while you are being forcibly held down. Imagine they stuff the bread in your mouth and hold their hands over your mouth yelling at you to chew and swallow. Imagine they pour the wine down your throat in a river so you can't breathe or swallow, the whole time telling you to be quiet.

That's what child sexual abuse is like.

Then imagine that all the rites are completed and you are ready (according to the rules) to partake, and everyone around you is happy for you, but you feel dead inside and can't figure out why you're not reacting they way they told you would (should).

That's what sex after abuse is like.

I told my story in a ladies' class and then opened the floor for questions. One brave woman asked if the abuse had effected my sexual relationship with my husband. On the one hand I wanted to look at her and say, "Duh!", but on the other I wasn't sure exactly how to answer that question.

http://www.allsaintscville.org/

 Of course the answer is yes. In truth sex was one of the major reasons we went into marriage therapy years ago. And it's better . . . a lot better. But the truth of it is this, I will never know what it would have been like to give myself freely and without hindrance to my husband the first time, because that opportunity was stolen from me. 

It took a long time for things to improve in that area. We aren't where we want to be, but it's better than it was. It's been difficult for me to bring God into this area. My husband suggested praying before sex, and that seemed so odd to me. But why? Why is it any odder to pray before sex than it is to pray before a meal? Or communion? It helped me begin to put sex back in its proper perspective. It is a holy sacrament. A gift from God. What happened to me as a child didn't have anything in common with God's plan for sex. It was a perversion of the sacrament, but not because of me.

So I've been allowing God to redeem my sexual relationship with my husband. Because He is the only one who can.

linking up with imperfect prose and Write on Edge

Summertime Eating

linking up with Wordless Wednesday

and 

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . June 11, 2013

Outside my window . . . we've had quite a bit of rain over the past few days, but today it's clear blue skies. Going up into the 90's, so I'm thinking a trip to the pool is in order.

I am thinking . . . about slowing my racing mind. I've been making a concerted effort these past days to deliberately think about ONE thing at a time. It takes a great deal of effort for me, but I find my mood improves and I stay calmer.

I am thankful . . . for my daily devotional. I use a book called Common Prayer (which I think I've mentioned here before). I really enjoy it because it keeps me focused on what is important in life.

In the kitchen . . . last night was hot dogs and chips. I know, but I was just too tired to bake the salmon and chop all the veggies for the salad. Not sure about tonight yet.

I am wearing . . . my Chinese lantern print pajama pants and a loose black shirt.

I am creating . . . a fabric lined crochet basket. Still working on this. Yesterday I finished the crochet portion, so now I have to pick out my lining and a make it.

Here's mine so far --

I am going . . . to pick up some medical records for dh and run them by his office. Hopefully get a swim in, and maybe go with ds to get some jeans/cargo pants for work.

I am wondering . . . how to live intentionally in every moment. I am learning to appreciate each moment as it comes by not wishing away the "bad" moments, but rather incorporating them into the larger of picture of my life.

I am reading . . . Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. I'm also still working on Mom in the Mirror. I like to make notes as I read it, so it's not good bedtime reading.

I am looking forward to . . . another day of quiet thoughts and reasonable expectations of productivity.

I am hearing . . . dd getting ready for work/school. She is sick again, this time with an embedded sinus infection. Bless her heart. 

Around the house . . . bit by bit. I straighten a small area and then move on to another. It's working right now.

I am praying . . . that a procedure dh is having done this afternoon will help with his sitting issues. Will you pray with me?

One of my favorite things . . . yarn! I come back to this one time and time again, but I can't help myself. Yarn makes me happy!

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . swimming, a meeting, a trip to FIL's to pick up some items to donate, maybe a trip to the used bookstore to shop, and then date night on Friday (some jazz, perhaps?). Saturday is FUN DAY will the besties, which is always a good thing :)

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

another stack of books waiting to be read

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

Crazy Easy Poppy Seed Treats

My husband is half Austrian. He has wonderful memories of the cookies and pastries his grandmother made. Unfortunately when she passed, the recipes passed with her. Fast forward nearly 20 years. Dh decides he wants to make (with my help) what he remembers as Poppy Horn Cookies. So we diligently begin the internet search. Many interesting (and complicated) poppy seed pastries are found, but none that seem like what he remembers. We were getting a little desperate, as he had agreed to bring these cookies to a luncheon on Saturday, and this was Thursday night, when we stumbled across this site. Crazy easy poppy seed horn pastries! We opted to cut the crescent rolls in half, thus making 32 pastries. Which turned out to be a good thing, as they grow'd like Topsy! Next time I'll probably cut back on the filling a bit, as it was too "poppy" for my taste, but dh loved them, even though they were not the same as his grandmother's. Glaze: 1⁄2 cup confectioners sugar 1 1⁄4 tablespoonmilk 1⁄4 teaspoon grated lemon peel Horns: 2 can(8 oz each) refrigerated crescent dinner rolls 1 can Solo Poppy Seed Cake and Pastry Filling or 1 jar Baker Poppy Seed Filling Instructions: To make these poppy horns, preheat oven to 375° F. Grease large baking sheet and set aside. Unroll pastry into rectangles, and spred with filling. Using a pizza wheel, cut each rectangle into 4 triangles (following original tear line). Roll up, starting at wide end. Place, pointed end down, on prepared baking sheet. Bake 12 to 14 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from baking sheet and cool on wire rack 5 minutes. To make glaze, combine confectioners sugar, milk, and lemon peel in small bowl, and stir until smooth. Drizzle glaze over top of horns while still warm. Let stand until glaze is set. linking up with Made by You Monday

{this moment}

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Fall

I spent a lot of years stumbling around in the dark. I thought I was in the light. I was doing everything I'd been told to do to have a good life. I'd married a good Christian man. We went to church regularly. We were involved in our congregation -- helping others, teaching classes, opening our home. 

We moved back to our home town. We had a baby. She was perfect in every way. We bought a house. We were doing everything I'd been told would make everything perfect. But it wasn't.

So it must have been me. I just couldn't be satisfied. I expected too much. I wouldn't let myself be happy.

Really the problem was I'd fallen prey to the abuse years before. I'd tucked it away to pretend it didn't happen, but it was coloring everything I thought, said, did, touched, and believed.

So eventually I fell apart. 

And that's when things began to get better. I stumbled out of the darkness of lies and "shoulds", and into the light of truth and love. I fell prey to God, and turned it all over to him. I leaned on him as I worked through the muck and mire of the abuse.

Falling felt good this time. I guess it all depends on where you land.

linking up with Five Minute Friday