'Tis a Gift . . .

A week ago Saturday I stood in the meeting house of a Shaker village. The building is acoustically perfect. After the crowd had left, my husband and I stayed behind. He began to sing, and I realized that I wanted to sing in that place of perfection. I stood in the center of the room (the sweet spot, if you will) and I sang any hymn that came to mind. One of the staff came from across the road to see what was going on, and I apologized. She told me it was lovely and that was what had drawn her there.

My husband and I continued to sing, and a group of visitors came in to listen. I didn't stop singing, because I wanted to sing. 

Singing used to be my primary form of communication with my own heart. Over the years, I let it fall to the wayside. I'm not sure why or how that happened. Maybe it was just the cumulative affect of all the struggles to get through each day. Maybe it was one too many critics - internal and external. Maybe it was my need for perfection, or my belief that I couldn't sing without an audience. Who knows. What I'm learning now is that I can sing for myself - for my own enjoyment. And if it's not always perfect, that's okay too, because as emily wierenga wrote recently:

In his memoir, All is Grace, Brennan Manning recalls words that Brother Dominique Voillaume said to him: “You are on the threshold of receiving the greatest grace of your life. You are discovering what it means to be poor in spirit. Brother Brennan, it’s okay not to be okay.”

It's okay not to be okay. What a relief.

Blessings.

{this moment}

A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

linking up with SouleMama

Ordinary

ordinary -- with no special or distinctive features; normal

Ordinary is one of those adjectives I craved for years. I thought normal would mean everything was all right -- the way it was supposed to be. But really look at that definition -- with no special or distinctive features -- I mean come on, is there anyone who fits that kind of description?

What I was really craving all those years was to be seen fully. I wanted people to know the real, honest to goodness me, but I was so terrified of being rejected that I worked constantly on trying to figure out what those others wanted me to be. I strove to be something I wasn't. I tried to appear to be the perfect Christian girl, but I didn't feel any of it. It was all just an act to try and get by. 

Ordinary is a lie. Real is the truth. And real is messy. Real isn't based on comparisons with everyone else. Real is opening up to God and saying "I'm a mess, and I need your help". Ordinary says everything is easy and constant. Life follows a predictable plan. And anyone who's lived even one single day knows the lie in that.

So I'm throwing out ordinary and normal, again. 

I am me. I am unique. I am who God made me to be. I just need to learn to trust Him more to see the beauty of what He created.

linking up with Five Minute Friday

If This Is Thursday, I Must Be in Nashville

It's been a crazy, mixed up week, and it's beginning to look as if the the whole month may be this way.

Alan and I had a little get away over the weekend that we extended to Monday. It was quite lovely, but there was a fair amount of driving involved, so I was very tired Monday night.

Tuesday, Alan had to be in a meeting in Franklin, so I got up and drove him. We thought we'd be there an hour or so, but of course things ran long, and the outcome was not what we had hoped (sorry to be vague, but that's all I can say).

Claire took care of overseeing the removal of the mattress from hell on Tuesday morning in anticipation of delivery of our new mattress that evening. It was to be delivered between 4 and 7 Tuesday evening. I called the store about 5:15 to make sure everything was still on, and found out there'd been a miscommunication between the store and delivery people. No mattress. The lady was very nice and discounted part of our purchase, but that still left me with no bed for the night.

Claire graciously gave us her bed and slept in her brother's room (although she did have to clean it up before she could get to sleep!). 

Wednesday morning brought my weekly appointment and grocery shopping. The new mattress arrived just as I was cooking dinner, but Alan was here to oversee. Once we had eaten and made up the bed, we kind of collapsed on the sofa until bedtime. Slept well. Fingers are still crossed.

The outcome of the Tuesday meeting was that Alan has to make a trip to Los Angeles. He's not thrilled given that he has serious bum issues (can't remember the exact name) but sitting is agony. Our hope was that I could go with him for moral support, but of course I have Michael Buble tickets on the same night he needs to leave for LA. We talked about me flying out the next morning to meet him, and I thought that was all set, but it fell through this morning. 

This weekend I'm heading to Stanton, Tennessee for a yoga and meditation retreat. Then it looks as if everyone is home for the following week, with a visit from the 5 year old on that Thursday. The following Monday I'll head to Knoxville as Alan's chauffeur and come home on Tuesday. Alan leaves for LA on Wednesday (apparently alone). Claire and I will go to the concert on Wednesday night. Alan will be in LA for a couple of days probably and then fly home by Saturday. 

I like traveling as much as the next person, and most of these events are pleasant (with the exception of LA), but I'm ready for an extended, boring stay at home. I'd enjoy having a day with no one in the house but the dogs and me to just do some housework. 

A girl can dream . . . 

Books that followed me home . . .

linking up with Wordless Wednesday & The Jenny Evolution

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . October 8, 2013

Outside my window . . . . we went down into the 40s last night. Today's high is predicted for the mid-70s, but with a strong northerly wind. Autumn :)

I am thinking . . . about the trip Alan and I returned from yesterday. We had a lovely time staying at the Beaumont Inn in Harrodsburg, KY. I highly recommend it if you ever find yourself in that area.

I am thankful . . . to be home and resting. Also I am thankful that things seem a bit calmer this week than last week.

In the kitchen . . . leftovers last night (pork roast, polenta, cabbage salad, and asparagus). Tonight is probably going to be some grilled chicken with roasted tomatoes and basil. Not sure what else beyond that.

I am wearing . . . brown straight leg pants, a white t-shirt, denim jacket, and a scarf. And my new fun shoes --

I am creating . . . two different shawls. The Danish shawl I showed you last week, 

and I'm having to do a bit of reworking on a shawl I started earlier in the summer. 

I didn't have enough yarn on hand to complete, and when I went to get more, I learned that it had been discontinued. So I'm trying to complete the pattern with 2 coordinating yarns that I found. We shall see.

I am going . . . with my husband to court this morning. Nothing major, but I'm serving as chauffeur and moral support.

I am wondering . . . how to find time for all the reading I want to do! I am often torn between my love of reading and my love of crocheting.

I am reading . . . Daring Greatly on the recommendation of a friend. I gave in and bought the hard copy because I just couldn't bear not being able to underline things. I also picked up a few books on vacation (as usual). I started reading A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'Engle while waiting for my copy of Daring Greatly to arrive. It's been on my to read list for quite sometime.

I am looking forward to . . . another weekend getaway. This time I'll be on my own at a meditation and yoga retreat through Dovehouse Ministries.

I am hearing . . . the tea pot heating.

Around the house . . . we are awaiting the delivery of a new mattress and box springs. You may recall we bought a new set about a month ago, and it has been a nightmare of discomfort for me. They are taking that one away this morning, and a new queen size set will be delivered this evening. Keeping my fingers crossed that this one works out better for both of us.

I am praying . . . for a child who lost her parents over the weekend in an accident. She was adopted by a family here in the states and now faces being orphaned a 2nd time. So incredibly sad.

One of my favorite things . . . is driving my convertible with the top down. We had lots of opportunity to drive around in Kentucky this past weekend taking in the autumn weather, and it was just lovely.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . helping the hubs today, a meeting later in the afternoon, another meeting on Wednesday, some exercise, Bible class on Thursday, and then heading out for a quiet, thought provoking weekend.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . .

Alan in his favorite environment --

taking photos :)

for more visit The Simple Woman's Daybook

Weekend Get Away