The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY . . . October 14, 2014

Outside my window . . . everything is soaked from heavy rain over night. The sky is mostly blue with a few gray clouds still passing over.

I am thinking . . . about this quote (again):

Reframe self-care not as a selfish act

but rather as a valuable and necessary 

step in providing proper care to others.

I am thankful . . . that Alan and Sam had a fun and safe climbing trip over the weekend, and that they came home early to avoid the worst of the bad weather.

In the kitchen . . . we had pancakes and bacon last night. When dinner time rolled around it was just Alan and me. Later Sam and his friend came, and the first words from his mouth were, "Did you have breakfast for dinner?" So I made more pancakes!

I am wearing . . . lounge pants and a giant t-shirt (can you tell I need to do laundry?)

I am creating . . . almost done with the mending and then it's back to Presents with a Purpose.

I am going . . . to therapy and then to see my bestie for a bit today.

I am wondering . . . about dreams and how they can implant so firmly that it takes a while to shake them off in the morning. Had one of those random, wind-y dreams this morning that left me feeling as if I were in trouble and it's taking some effort to come out of it.

I am reading . . . The Firm by John Grisham. It's a better read the second time around because I'm not so stressed since I know how it ends. I'm enjoying the book much more this time.

I am looking forward to . . . a calmer ending to the this week than last week.

I am hearing . . . quiet as usual. The dogs are wandering a bit this morning. Sam is still on fall break, so no noise from his room as of yet.

Around the house . . . I'm getting ready for the delivery of my new Hoosier. Got to figure out the exact logistics of some furniture rearranging, but it should be fun incorporating my new "old" piece into the house.

I am praying . . . for peace.

One of my favorite things . . . is completing a task to my own satisfaction. I'm a procrastinating perfectionist. If I do something the way I think it should be done it will be very well done. I often postpone simple tasks for fear of not be perfect, though.

A few plans for the rest of the week . . . seeing my bestie today, and tea with another friend tomorrow. Precept Bible class on Thursday. A friend is being featured on a local TV show Thursday night (Tennessee Crossroads/R. E. Proctor) so I want to make sure and see that. Friday is clear! Woot! Woot! Saturday my sister in law is coming over to clean again (OCD relatives can be fun!), and then Sunday it's back to church with Alan for the first time in at least 3 weeks.

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing . . . 

Steve shared my scones on Saturday since I was all alone

linking up with The Simple Woman and 31 Days of Writing

Wounds

"The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body; after all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind." 

-- French writer François de la Rochefoucauld

I've been thinking about scars lately. Recently I went to the doctor about some pain I was having in my foot. As she examined me, she asked about a scar on the top of my foot. I told her it was from surgery I'd had 6 or more years ago.

I rarely think about that scar anymore. Just after the surgery, while my foot was healing, I thought about it a lot. I was fascinated and repelled by it. Fascinated to think that a surgeon had cut into my foot and removed a growth that was causing me pain, and fascinated watching the healing take place. But repelled by how horrible it looked, even though I was going to feel so much better when it was healed. 

I have scars and wounds on my physical body, and I have scars and wounds on my emotional being. In many ways they require the same kind of care to heal. The scars from the emotional wounds may not be visible to others , but they are just as real, and usually much more painful for me. 

Healing is a process. It takes time and is never a straight trajectory. I forget that over and over again. But I also forget that my wounds don't really make me different from others. Everyone has wounds. They vary in intensity and frequency, but we all have battle scars that we carry around with us. 

It's taken me a long time to be able to look at my scars and not wince, or worse yet, feel responsible for them. I have good days and bad days. Unfortunately, lately there have been more bad days. But I hope I'm turning a corner. Again. 

This morning I'm trying another something new. Making some choices just for me without worrying about how others will perceive them. Little things, really, but big choices if I make them based on my on wants and wishes. And I'm reminding myself about that list as well.

Peace and blessings.

linking up with Write 31 Days

Day 12

“What a beautiful sight it is for God when a Christian mocks at the clatter of the tools of death and the horror of the executioner; when he defends and upholds his liberty in the face of kings and princes, obeying God alone to whom he belongs. Among us, boys and frail women laugh to scorn torture and the gallows cross, the wild beasts and all the other horrors of execution!”  -- Early church apologist Minucius 

###

“Breaking the secret is incredibly freeing & empowering. ‘I own my life’ she proclaims by telling the truth about her pain. ‘This happened to me & I can do with it whatever I want to. You do not own me, you do not control me & you cannot hurt me or destroy me as I used to believe you could.’ To break the secret is to say, ‘Somebody hurt me. I was victimized & I protest!’” -- Secret Survivors by E. Sue Blume

###

Inward happiness almost always follows a kind action. -- Father Faber (365 Days of Wonder: Mr. Browne's Book of Precepts by R. J. Palacio)

###

I hope this day has been a day of rest and self-care for each of you.

Peace and blessings!

linking up with Write 31 Days

day 9

So I missed day 9 of 31 days. I feel compelled to write something. To let you all know that I missed a day. That I have a good excuse. 

I've been following lots of other bloggers on this adventure and watched them worry and stress and sweat getting something written every day. I have been the voice of reason. "Don't worry about it."

And I believe all of that. Until I have to apply it to myself.

Isn't that the way it is for most of us? Generous toward others, but so judgmental of ourselves? 

I'm struggling with explaining that I had to drive my husband to an out of town business trip (that's a lame excuse though, because I sat in a hotel for room for several hours and could have written then, right?). I could mention that I've been sick with allergies or a bug for nearly a month, and I hurt my foot somehow, but I don't type with my feet, right?

The real reason I didn't write on day 9 was just this -- I was exhausted and had nothing that felt valuable to say. I've been struggling with allergies, sleep deprivation, depression, and now this weird foot thing that is "just one of those things" according to my doctor. I took the day off. I slept and watched TV. I drove my husband home from his business trip, and crashed on the sofa once we got here. 

Yesterday I kept trying to get motivated to write something about day 9, but I kept wavering between worrying I'd sound whiny, and telling myself it didn't matter that I missed one day. 

This is my middle ground. This one's for everyone else who's struggling along with me. 

linking up with Write 31 Days

What to Do

It's Saturday morning and I have the house to myself. My boys are gone rock climbing. I stayed up late watching a movie last night, but still got up at my usual time.

I've had breakfast -- cranberry scones I baked just for myself, and English breakfast tea. I've puttered on Facebook and the news. I've gotten dresses and started some laundry. 

Here's the thing. I have the entire day and evening to myself. No responsibilities. No expectations from anyone else. I have all kinds of things I'd like to do and have done. There is no one to complain about my choices, and yet I am still stymied by what the right choice is for the day. 

That little voice in my head is telling me to stop being so ridiculous and just pick something. There is no right or wrong. But somewhere deep in my gut fear lurks. Wrong choices. Wasted time. How can I trust that I will make the appropriate choice of how to use this day?

These are the thoughts that run through my head most days, but most days I have someone looking over my shoulder with expectations, so there is some semblance of order. 

A day or weekend to myself sounds lovely, but the reality can be somewhat overwhelming. So I make a list, my go-to coping mechanism --

1. yoga
2. hem pants
3. clean kitchen
4. do some crafting for Presents with a Purpose: crochet, bead, bean bag babies
5. read
6. balance the checkbook
7. work on paperwork
8. rest
9. write

I look at my list and I see what I've forgotten. The one thing that will make this day better, maybe best. Pray. Pray for God to show me how to spend my time. Listen to what He says, and trust that I am hearing His voice.

New list --

1. Pray
2. Do what God tells me

linking up with Write 31 Days

Care

I care too much.

I care about the homeless and hungry.

I care about animals and world peace.

I care about other people and what they may think of me.

I care about perceptions and misunderstandings.

I turn it over to God. 

 And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
    and to walk humbly with your God.
--Micah 6:8

Everything is easier. I can breathe again. 

I still care, but I am not drowning in it.

linking up with Five Minute Friday and 31 Days of Writing

Hail

linking up with Wordless Wednesday